Well hello all.
I have been thinking lately, scary but true. See, this past winter has been HORRIBLE on me for “depression“/S.A.D (I hate that word). I have been beyond mopy and whiny, and into downright annoyingly weepy. It is one thing to whine when you aren’t feeling well, “Man, this cold is knocking me, just want to sleep” or whatever, but this has been bad. A very dark time.
It’s also been one of the not so bad winters. I am not sure how to explain it, other than now that I am out of it? It really doesn’t seem to have been that bad. Oh, sure, it was one of the darkest, for my mood, but I don’t think it “scarred” me as badly. It just *poof* ended (realistically it took a few weeks), not the slow, months and months, climb out? Hope that made sense.
For me, I can almost pin point to the second when it began to lift. I have many people to thank, but one specific person, Unknown*, I would love to give the most giant squishy hug ever! It may seem a small thing, but when Unknown* sent me an e-mail, letting me know I had $50 in my pay pal account, and I was given permission to spend it any way I saw fit …
Well, my first reaction of course was to spend an hour crying while my son just “shush shush’d” me and kept smiling and saying aww. Second reaction of course was to tell my husband and cry for another hour!!
I really didn’t feel I was deserving of the money (yes, I was that low). I felt guilty! Yeah, we were tight and any money is helpful, but we were ok, and I had managed to juggle things so bills were paid. And really? I hadn’t posted for people to pity me or feel sorry for me, Just to show what this disease can do to the mind, not just the body. I wanted to share it all, good and bad.
It took me almost a month before spending the money, I went back and forth so many times regarding whether to give back the money or not, even after I was given the ok to spend it on myself! I finally took myself and my husband on a date night. The first of … well at this point, one, but hopefully more in the future. 😀
And that was it! THAT was my changing point.. Not the night out, not the money, but that simple, pure, kind, and sweet act from one person to another, no strings attached. I REALLY and truly felt someone cared about me faults and all (other than family who HAS to care).
I will never be able to thank Unknown* enough, I could win the lottery and pay Unknown* back a million times and it would never be enough. Not only did it lift me from the darkness, I honestly believe it saved me!
Unknown? You are my hero beyond any imagination! Thank you! I love you!
*I will respect the persons privacy. If they ever wish to come forward, that is their choice, not mine to make!