I don’t update much, in part because my symptoms haven’t changed a lot, and, in part, I figure so few read my posts not much point. No sympathy grab, just a fact.
but, then I remembered why I started this blog to begin with. Mostly to get my thoughts out of my head, have a way to keep track of my progress, and, if someone reads and gets something from MY journey with any aspect, allergies, depression, paranoia, or thyroid, then great.
(Cutting … HOLY CRAP this got long!)
I haven’t had many changes to my symptoms lately, and the changes I have had, I can’t tell what is from allergies and what is from the thyroid. All my problems are so closely linked, it is very difficult to decide where one starts and the other ends.
The tiredness is back. Not like before, where I couldn’t keep my eyes open for longer than 2 minutes at a time, and the brain fog isn’t there. Just a want, need to stay in bed, like I just am not getting enough sleep. It is bothersome, and really beginning to annoy me. I can feel myself being dragged back so many steps and I really hate it. It could be the allergies, I wake up stuffy. And if you are stuffy how can you sleep properly. It could be that we have cut out coca-Cola and switched to iced tea (though, that I would suspect a sugar dump, and the iced tea isn’t THAT much better, but I do drink more water), although, This started before the switch now that I am typing this and thinking back. No change in weather, so that leaves me suspecting thyroid levels.
Still about 6 weeks until my blood test (forgot the 3 month test, so waiting for the 6 month), so if it is my levels, I will have to wait and see. No, that is not accurate. I do NOT have to wait and see, I am choosing to wait. When doc went from 3 month refills to 6 month, I asked him if I was to get my blood checked every 3 months still, and I couldn’t remember the answer. I then put off both asking, and going to have the test. So now, the waiting is purely out of stubbornness to admit my memory still sucks shit!
My other annoying symptom that has coming back with a vengeance is the hair loss. Oh, I have always had hair loss when my hair has been longer like this, but NOT to this degree EVERY single time I brush or run my hand through my hair. My cats aren’t coughing up their own hair, they are coughing up mine! Ok ok , not really, but I am sure that soon they will.
The weight? Enh, My own fault. I need to cut out the sugar first, and that is slow going. Also need to exercise more. This whole ordeal is very much a circle, and it feels like all I can do is complain, and I am trying to keep the whine out of this, and stick to facts, but it is a difficult thing, especially when the emotions are oh so tied into it all.
Pint: I need to cut out sugar, but meanwhile I should exercise, but I can’t exercise until my lungs clear (the allergies), but my lungs won’t fully clear (even when allergy season over) until my levels are 100%, my levels won’t be 100% until I stop sugar and exercise, which ….. And there in is my circle of hell.
Not to jinx things, but while I know I have allergies all the time, They are under control. I can do some things, like laundry (involves stairs), and minor house cleaning (can NOT dust. whips it into the air and look out asthma attack), but to actually get on the treadmill or even walk farther than the car to a store? Boom, lungs gasp.
Moving on, my depression I have a pretty good control over. I should say depression and paranoia as the two are so tight. Like cliques in high school! Oh, I get twinges now and then, but I have learned what can keep it chained.
The worst of it all? My “sensitivity” I once had that made me a loner has really started to shine.
slight back story here: See, when I was younger, I had this weird ability to “feel” what others felt/knew. NO not psychic. pftt Just … I got intense feelings. Example; some friends and I were out one night at the bar, only been there about an hour, REALLY crowded, but having a good time. (Now, at this point I had already started to show signs of hating crowded places. In part from things like this story happening.) When for no real reason I began to have what I call a panic attack. I just KNEW we had to get out of there, not just me, but EVERYONE in our section. Just this feeling right in the pit of my stomach that told me we had to get out. Of course my friends laughed, and chalked it all up to my crowd hating, but I just knew. I finally convinced them we could go to the next bar. The second we were out of the bar my stomach eased up, I could breath, and I felt much better. Still had the “knowledge” something wasn’t right, but I felt better. We went to the next bad, had a good time, just as crowded. I ended up leaving an hour later just from the emotional ride, but I was fine.
Found out the next day from others that a fight broke out in our section and someone had pulled a knife. Landed on the table we had been sitting at. Coincidence? Probably. Insane? yeah. But shit like that happened to me a lot. Once I got married and had a child, (not my birth child), life was sucked from me. –Cut a shit ton unimportant any more–
So yeah, that was then, maybe because of my own health and the fact that both my son and I have/are healing from those years is why this sensitivity is coming back?
Whatever the reason, it isn’t fun. I did not miss it!! I am beginning to pick up my husbands stresses and moods, even when he isn’t sure of his moods. And really, it is making it more and more difficult to ward off the paranoia, which means depression may break it’s chains. And that would so not be cool.
But it makes sense as to why I am so tired. (Yeah, shoot me, just had a light bulb moment. grr)
As I type this, I realize that not one word is what was rattling around in here trying to get out the last few days. *head desk* Oh, the thought, and the basic is the same, but the flow and the elegance of the words, and the non-rambling, coherent thought is blow out of the water!
How can I have such put together thoughts, but once the door is open to let it out instead of flowing out smoothly, it is like a damn broke wide open?
So much more I wanted/needed to say, but it is gone, lost in the turbulence that is my thoughts in word. Maybe next time.
To sum up? Symptoms are slightly changing, but mostly I have control, just not sure how long the control will last.
Also? I am sure there are typos, my fingers can not keep up with my brain and I have tried to catch them as I went along, which is why some thoughts are more disjointed than others.