The other night as I was, yet again, having troubles sleeping, an emergency vehicle went by sirens blaring. I sleep with ear plugs (Many reasons, one of which is silence), so it was muffled. As I listened to it, trying to figure out what department it was, I noticed it was “going out the lake”*. I also noticed that I seemed to be able to hear it (with the ear plugs) for longer than I should have. Even 15 minutes later I could swear I could still hear it. It was, as the title states, and echo in my mind.
This all started to kick my brain in to overdrive. (As if it needed help! There is a reason I don’t sleep well. Shut up brain!) Emotions, sounds, many things leave a similar impression on our brains. The reason I have trouble sleep are these “echo”s”. Like the sound, emotions, feelings, and words scramble around in the mind long after the cause is gone. We (people with overactive night brain) tend to hold on to, and rehash over and over what is all ready dead and gone. I never use to be this way. I’d give it a quick once over in case there was a lesson or something, but then I’d dismiss it. But now, I hold on to these things, and even future things (like this post), and think on them until they become so meaningless, any help I might have gotten from thinking about it is lost and of no use..
I don’t know if it is the depression, thyroid, age, or what, but whatever the reason, I have to think there MUST be away to retrain my brain to silence the echo’s. If you have echo’s from a mountain, you can stand behind something solid to muffle it, leave the area, or even plug your ears. How to you stop echo’s in your mind? Yeah, my sleeping pills are like a blanket over the noise, but I would rather not use that unless I haven’t slept for a long period of time. It is an emergency go to, not an every day.
During the day the echo’s go unnoticed. Probably because of the TV, house work, and other daily activities. But to sleep, I need silence. Noise just makes my mind feel like it is overwhelmed and I feel like screaming. BUT, the other side of that coin, the silence allows my mind to wander and think things over and just babble. Talking to someone would probable help, but I am not waking the husband to talk. Especially as many times it is the STUPIDEST shit, like how do I invent “Some item”, or what if I won the lottery, or How can I change the bedding so it won’t slide. Silly fluff. Nothing that should keep me awake, but stuff that my brain just HAS to work through.
I have found “praying” helps (No, not in the religious sense, I am an atheist). I “Talk” to the universe, or to all gods, no gods, sometimes even younger me. It allows my brain to babble to something, anything, and forces it to try to make sense. I can sometimes drift off after 20 minutes or so, probably out of exhaustion from too much talking?! I think that helps because it allows me to relax while “talking”. Where as when it is just my brain babbling and rattling around inside itself, it isn’t an outlet. It, in my theory, causes a feedback loop. Where as having something to let it talk at, allows it to continue on in a straight line until I drift off, ignoring it all.
How do YOU handle your echo’s? Any tricks I can try? What causes your echo’s? I can’t be alone in this. Can I?
*Local slang. We live in a town with a “lake” (river) going through it. The “lake” is an offshoot from the main huge lake approximately 40 km (25-30 miles) from town.