Information, and whining

Below is some information I have gathered recently from the interweb.

As I mentioned in recent posts, my numbers have been climbing, and I knew that our local lab was using 5.5 as the top normal numbers. I just had to find out how common that was. I have copied chunks of the website into the file, along with the site I got them from, so if there is information in there not quite suited for you, then check out the website the information is from.

Hypothyroidism-information

And now, the whining …

I have been so confused lately. Hypothyroidism symptoms mimic so many other things. Is it a cold, or Hypothyroidism? Allergies, or my thyroid? Depression, or thyroid? You can see my problem. I have been having the odd good day the last week, since the doctor upped my meds. But I have also had more bad days. The whole family is sick right now, so that is more than likely a big part of my issues.

It’s just … I am so frustrated right now. All that information tells me my numbers should never climbed past 2, yet, here I am, back up to 5.15. Most places are championing for 2.6 to be the top numbers.

I keep trying to remind myself I am STILL not as bad as when I was first diagnosed, but it isn’t helping. Mentally, it almost feels worse than when I was at my worst. See, I had had almost 2 – 3 months of feeling amazing! Was finally remembering things, feeling active, my house was getting back in order, and my body was not hurting or weak. I still wasn’t “perfect” but I was almost there … and then the numbers began to climb again.

It’s like getting on a thrill ride, ALMOST getting to the top of the ride where your tummy jumps and the anticipation is almost at the max. and BOOM! Disappointment. Nothing happened. the ride just quits, and you begin to go backwards, slowly coming to a stop at the bottom, only to feel like you will never get to that point again.

Now, I get the odd day that makes me wonder if I might just get there, the hope rises and then I feel like crap again. Thankfully I don’t think the depression is creeping in yet, it is more anger. Anger at myself for not forcing this sooner, anger at my doctors partner for sloughing me off as if I am nuts, or my doctor for … for what? Wanting time off? That last one is a bit irrational, but it is there. The whole “if if’s were wishes …”.

Yeah, so as you can tell, I am having an off day. Hubby is home for a second day in a row, and while we aren’t broke, I sure have had to do some juggling of the finances, kid is home second day, and the weather, and … just so FRUSTRATED!  I am SO sick of whining, so sick of being sick, and wishing I was single and alone so I could wallow for a while. Yet SO fucking glad I have a partner, and son who love me, support me and understand.

All I know, is if I were my husband? I’d have told me to shut the fuck up months ago! I can’t tolerate when others whine, yet, I just have to say something or I feel so alone, and helpless.

So, yeah. I’ll shut up now. Feels good to get that out. Pretty sure everyone else in my life is sick of hearing it, and I don’t even tell them a quarter of what I type here! (pity them, and yourselves!)

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