IRK — random thoughts

The internet is a huge world, larger than life at times, I suspect. You are bound to stumble across things you love, hate, or hit you in the feels. Especially if you subscribe to peoples blogs. :/

George, hunny, if you are reading this, stop! (unless I have already talked with you. :D) Nothing bad, PROMISE! Just some thoughts …

 

Is he looking? Hmm :\ 

Well, anyway, I was reading Anne Wheaton’s blog today, she was talking about her husbands depression, and how it affects her, and how his manifests itself (is that the right wording?). It really made me think. I KNOW I suffer “depression” *, but it is mainly health related. The big thought, is what she described of Wil. It really reminded me of my husband. He asked me awhile back what depression was like, if it could hurt physically. I told him what I knew of mine, and told him that was just MY side though, everyone was different. And I also told him I didn’t think he was. See, at the time we were all sick, and it was the worst part of winter, where the end is in sight, but still always off. He’d had a bad few days at work and around the park with plowing etc …  and, well. I think I made a mistake! He has always been easy to snap (not at people, things) it runs in his family. BUT he was always good at recognizing that and self calming. 

I think I am pissed at myself, because really, how could I not see it? He’d had a break down regarding work stresses, had almost 2 months off, his tolerance for the goofiness the kid and I do has gotten lower … 

I remember thinking at the time he asked me “What? You are nothing like me. Are you going to say you have thyroid problems too?” Yeah. I was a bitch. Thankfully, only in my head!! And just for a second. But, it was a second too long. NOW I am wondering if that coloured my answer to him?

 

I will be talking to him tonight. I think I best call Doc Monday morning and see if he can squeeze the hubby in at same time, or give him my appointment. I can wait. 

Needless to say, this has flared up MY depression (via the guilt thing), and this is so not going well in my head. 

I was hoping by the end of this post, getting it off my chest, I’d feel in a more up beat, ready to talk to hubby, kind of place. 

UGH! Oh the mess we make when our minds are in the dark places. I should have, could have, would have. But didn’t. Now I need to make it right. 

I love my husband with all my heart and soul, and if I can have my health (and mental health) regulated, why shouldn’t he?

 

 

*I use quotes because I have no clue if I would have it if it weren’t for my other health issues. Depression is a side effect of hypothyroidism. I do have S.A.D, but it was never very bad. (HA! I made a rhyme) 

Plus, I just hate the word “depression”. Just the word alone makes me feel yuck.

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