Did you ever wonder, wonder how much the internet, technology, has changed things? The way we live it, live with each other?
There was once a time we had to leave our houses to talk to people, really talk, not a quick “Hi How are ya” on the phone, but a conversation. Now, everything is done is short bursts, of 144 characters or less. Anything longer is a novella usually rambling, or a story you’d picture someone embellishing at a table over coffee, but out in the world for all to see, not in a cozy intimate setting. No longer do we have secrets, or confidantes. We have an audiences and critics. No one we can just pour our hearts out to with little worry of who might see or hear. You want to talk about a problem with a friend or family member? It is usually done with the eye of the world on you.
Some days I embrace the craziness, jump in with both feet letting it surround me, for if this was the old days, there is a good chance I’d have no companionship at all. At least on this stage, with an audience of who knows how many, I can pretend and feel as if I matter, belong even. I have those I am excited to see their words on screen, others I worry if I don’t, and others still I barely glance at, but look, I can count them as a friend. It adds to my numbers.
Some days, I long, and moan for the days gone by. When the sky and scenery was the entertainment. When you spoke with someone in quiet tones, knowing they’d not breath a word — most times. When, if you needed a shoulder, or break from your daily average life, you could do so without the daily grind seeping in and seeing all you speak and do.
I look at my son, so versed in this world, I lament on what he has missed that I had. What could I have done differently to change that? Time marches on, progress WILL have it’s way. You can not stop it, but maybe we can slow it.
How can you hold on to the past if you haven’t a shred of it left? I have no shoulder to lean on, no ear to bend, not out of my circle, my tight little circle. No flesh and blood human to call friend, to cry with, laugh with, hell, even dance with.
Most days I wouldn’t change a thing.
Today is not that day.
And now, on to my health:
Had doctors appointment. My numbers are back down to 1.2 something. My symptoms are still here, but that takes time. I need to level out. We’ll see where I am at in 2 months. Should have asked to recheck my B12. My blood pressure is still on the low side. But he doesn’t seem worried. It is a side affect of the thyroid after all.
Hell, what ISN’T a symptom of thyroid problems?
I am so fucking sick of being sick. My mood have improved, but I still get down way to easy for my taste. I miss being able to be the rock. The one that always had it together. Never cracked. I guess even un-crackable rocks can be weathered away over time.
I don’t know if it is my issues, or what. But I am sure something is going on with hubby. He is always tired, almost more than I am when my thyroid is at it’s worse(worst?). He blames age, or work, or whatever else. I wish he’d talk to doc. Maybe, just maybe it’s something that can be fixed?
Tonight is not a good night for me, if you couldn’t tell. One of those nights you just wish you had a hiding spot that was just outside of reality. Where there is no time, not life or death, just nothingness. Just for a little bit. No worries, no stress. Could pop in there for an hour or two and come out refreshed and ready to take on all life can throw at you.
Some days I day dream of packing some essentials and just running away to the mountains. Find some cave, fix it up and hide out for a few weeks. But, then I remember, I am not that great with bugs and creepy crawlies, and I am pretty sure some of the wildlife would view me as a wonderful supper.
Yep, Just want to crawl in my box (like my cat – she has a box that is too small for her, she hides in there for hours!) and let it all go. No health issues, not stresses, no problems of any kind.
Either that or be a well loved house cat for a week. mmmm Yep, that’d be a damned good escape!