Warning, I “wax poetically” in this post. This is the most, and fastest I have been able to write about this subject. It may seem “wordy” and rather sickly, but that’s ok. It was what sunk into my head and had to be let out. I use to be that way with poems when I wrote them eons ago. They would stick with me until I got it down on paper. I’d write in one go, sometimes 5 or 6. Very “teen-aged angst” style, but I almost always feel better after.
And hey, if you want to critique my writing? (not flame or troll, but honest critique) Then I don’t mind. I know it is somewhat juvenile in it’s composition.
(And can I add — holy crap I spelled critique right! LOL)
The thing about depression, and it’s sister anxiety (they go hand in hand most of the time), is that it is all about energy and love.
A person is meant to give and receive energy and love, feel it’s ups and downs, yet, when you feel the darkness of anxiety and depression near, you horde the love, you wrap yourself in it like a blanket try to protect yourself.
The problem is, you hold too tightly, it changes the love, twists it. You THINK it is telling you the truth to show you want needs to change, to strengthen you, But it is just lies. Lies about yourself, lies about others, and filthy horrible lies about the world.
The real truth, the truth you need is to let go of the shield, let yourself feel again. But your fingers have stiffened so tightly on to it you can’t let go. Fear won’t let you. All it takes is a leap of faith, faith in yourself. Faith in an invisible being while for some may help, is NOT what a person needs. A person needs their own strength, faith in themselves, not false faith in something that can’t been seen. It is what is real, what will never leave. You might have to dig deeper than you thought possible, but it will always be there.
I don’t have the answer to removing the shield, the fake comfort that you hold on to. The method is different for everyone. But I do know it can be done, even if it is just a little, enough to let one other person in. Then you have the strength of two people, and eventually more.
I won’t say it is easy, I won’t say it is quick. Those would be lies, lies that are just as bad as the shield that hides you from others. But once it isn’t so tight, as scary as it may be, it is wonderful! Like a thrill ride at an amusement park, with the difference being it can be constant.
Love and energy can be exhausting to give. And for an introvert it can feel darn near deadly. But to share that energy and love! Oh, it can be beyond words for the light it brings.
Start small, accept anothers energy and love for you. Let it lift you, help loosen the grip.
You are worth it.