So many saying regarding words, it’s hard, when a child, to know which one to listen to. “Words can hurt”, “Sticks and stones …”, “Words are a two-edged sword”, and I am sure many more.
And while “they” tell you all the time that words from others should be ignored or can hurt, they do not tell you what your own words can do to yourself. Hell, it’s my own voice that adds to my self-esteem issues. It’s not anyone else’s voice (any more) that calls me ugly or fat. BUT, it IS my own voice that has fought back.
This isn’t about me, not really. It’s about my husband. Every day that goes by a learn a tiny bit more how anxiety is so vastly different, yet so similar to depression. Contradictory, I know, but it is true. No matter how much I try, I don’t know that I will ever truly understand the degree in which it affects my husband. And while it still bothers me that I can’t just fix it* for him, I am trying to remember that just being there and trying to help is also a good thing. Can’t always fix things I suppose, but you can still love and support.
Thing is, remember how I said I was so very proud of hubby for opening up and talking about what goes through his mind in a typical day? Yeah. Well, I knew that would take some out of him, I just was not prepared for just how much it would drag him down. Yesterday he had 2 or 3 naps (more like sleeps, after 2 hours they are sleeps, not naps. Or so my Mom says? :D). I do NOT mind in the slightest that he needed to sleep. Hell, he could have slept all day and night if he needed to. But what I don’t quite understand, is him staying up until 6am to watch a hockey game.
Now, I am not complaining, or even upset. Whatever works go for it. I just want to understand. I know how invested he can get in a game, and you could tell he was still tired and off. So, in my mind, would that not make the lack of energy worse? I can see it being an escape (I use TV shows that way, as do many people), but … well, I just worry it may have added to the lack of energy part of the equation.
So you see, just spilling your own words, hurtful or not, can take a huge toll on you. We need a NEW saying,
“Words are powerful. They may be used for good, or bad, and they not only can hurt others, but ourselves as well. Guard your words. Use them with care and thought.”
Unless of course someone has already said that and I just don’t remember, in which case, the credit goes to them! If no one HAS said that? MINE! 😀
You know, I started this post more as an observation than anything else. Turns out I can make even that about me. Honestly, I know humans prefer to think about themselves most of the time, but geez I am getting bad for that. Honestly, I DO just want to help my husband.
It always amazes me though, how even in his weakness he can still be so strong. I mean really, I get depression, and it might be damned tough just to open your eyes. Add to that your own brain working against you to add anxiety to the mix? Nope, That’s a whole new level I just can not imagine. So, yeah, he is a hero and a warrior for even getting out of bed, in my opinion! (Maybe I need to tell HIM that more often? :/)
* I have been called “manly” in the past because I relate to men better and have the “fix it, not talk it” mentality. Also as an insult with my weight, but that’s ancient history. 😀
— I have been told I should have been a therapist (BY therapists) on several occasions, and even people I know. Thing is, I am a dolt if I don’t understand things. I feel lost and confused.