Dreams, obsessions, and finales

Few thoughts on my mind today, my obsession with Jensen Ackles, the fact I am odd semi-morbid narcissistic dreams, and all the season finales that ripped my heart into a billion pieces.

Let’s start with the dreams and get that nastiness out of the way. NOT going to go into details, because who wants to read that boring mess. I just want to put my thoughts out there so my brain knows that I know I am on to it! See, most of these dreams I am seriously sick, as in operations and specialists etc, and of course that makes it all about me. I am pretty sure it means that I want to be the one looked after. Though I am not psychiatrist, I know my brain. Last time I dreams like this where it was all about taking care of me, I was early teens and my brother was in some kind of trouble or something, and we were moving and I was needing some “look at me” attention.Of course, the good little girl I was, I never did anything stupid or actually demanded attention, so it manifested in my dreams.

This time, not positive what the reason is, but with nothing serious going on, I can only assume it is just having been the “support beam” of the family, that I am craving that “all about me” thing again? I don’t usually care to be honest.Ā  I am quite happy to be the giver of care and attention to others. I LIKE to be the helper, the fixer. I guess my brain/ego/something has decided it now wants the attention. Pftt whatever the problem is, I hope it stops soon, these dreams mix with other strange dark dreams and it’s really very annoying. I am use to strange dreams, always have them, but mix in these new “mememememMEMEME” dreams, it is leaving a nasty feeling first thing in the morning. And it’s starting to affect my sleep. Might try a sleeping pill or something? These dreams tend to start while I am semi-conscious and aware of my surroundings. Probably why they are so vivid. So, with the sleeping pill, I can fall asleep quicker and perhaps skip all that crap?

Now Jensen, hmm what’s NOT to say about this guy? šŸ˜€ My “obsession” started out being just an obsession with the show, Supernatural, but when on YouTube, I stumbled across him singing? Yeah. I don’t know man. I am WAY to old to be a “Fan Girl”. Sort of creeps me out. LOL It’s not THAT kind of obsession, where I would stalk him or even… well I don’t know what “THAT” obsession is. But I am not there.

Honestly? Even the odd dream I have is just our family hanging out with his (and Jared sometimes?) Pretty sure this fascination I have with him is 1.) he seems like a really genuinely kind person. Someone who’d be a blast to hang out with. 2.) We have no real family friends. *shrugs* It’s be cool to have people we could get out of the house with and last, but NOT least 3.) his looks. More specifically, his eyes. I have always had a thing about eyes. Really, no clue. Pretty sure most girls are attracted to butts, or muscles or whatever, but me, it’s always the eyes. And while Jensen’s aren’t the same colour as my husbands, I get lost in them much in the same way. Just … yeah, there this kindness that he has that is much like my husbands. I really can’t explain it, I have tried before. I can’t even stare into my husbands eyes for to long or I get lost. šŸ˜€ MMmmm LOVE my husbands eyes. *sigh*

err, yeah, so there’s that. *blush*

Now, season finales. I mean let’s face it, they are meant to grab you and pull you through until the next seasons premier. And the 3 main ones (for me) have been (in watched order), Big Bang Theory, Arrow, Flash, and Supernatural.

I will try not to post spoilers, in case. But read at your own risk!

Big Bang had the biggest shock for me. I hadn’t seen the one ending AT ALL. Not even a tiny hint of it. Still feel that gasping awe moment when I see Sheldon in re-runs. Just my heart really got invested in that moment.

Arrow, Not a huge amount of shock. Most of these types of shows you have hints and hopes for what might happen. Sometimes I am wrong, but, usually in the back of your head you knew, sort of. BUT, it still was a great finale, left me wanting to know more, and parts made me scratch my head and wonder how, or why. A LOT of son and I saying “But? But.. BUT! What? HUH? HOW! Oh I am SO confused!” Which is a GOOD thing believe it or not. Some big heart pulling on that one as well.

Flash, Oh wow. I mean we suspected (as a family) what might happen, but when it did? STILL wasn’t ready, a LOT of “NOOO! WHY!!” for us all, not positive, but I might have even seen a tiny tear TRY to form in my sons eye*. But it could have just been the lighting? Seriously, this finale really did a number on our emotions.

Supernatural, which of course we watched closely after the Flash (DVR, people). So my emotions were already amped. Add to that I TRIED to gear myself up for the worst (failed, but tried). Some of it was “OH DUH, Should have figured that out”. Second viewing was worse because I knew what was coming, but I caught a bit more. While I wasn’t literally on the edge of my seat (first viewing), I was biting my nails and covering my face for a fair amount in the second half. Also might have screamed “NOT THE CAR” at one point? hehe

Come to think of it? I may have said no pretty much the whole second half? I mean let’s face it, you sort of KNOW they will or won’t do certain things. And you know that (with a next season guaranteed) if one dies they will come back. But that does NOT make it any easier. Nope. First viewing Not much in the way of tears, but sure left me feeling like my heart was ripped out, stomped on, ripped to shreds, taped back together (with scotch tape, not duct!), and shoved back. It was just an uneasy, what the hell just happened kind of emotion.

I mean, wow, don’t get me wrong. I do NOT mean this is a bad way. I mean it got me. It held on tight and shook the fuck out of me, but it was all amazing. Sort of like when you puke on a roller coaster, but you want to go again. LOL

Second viewing the tears sure flowed. I knew what to expect, so it helped ease the feeling from the first viewing. But man. WOW. What a ride.

Now, I just listen to music for the next however many months and hope I can survive with just the summer shows. šŸ˜‰




*He is worse than me, he won’t cry for anything. I mean sever pain sure, but emotions? Nope, not my kid. And we NEVER raised him to be that way. Have always said it’s ok to cry. To be fair, I seldom cry at real life stuff. Shows? Sure, books, yeah, but real life? Pftt nope. Not that I try to hold it back, it’s just what’s the point? Tears don’t solve anything. Probably why I can’t watch certain commercials and TV finales can make me bawl. šŸ˜‰

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