Relief and happiness

Another late night for me. This time it has nothing to do with fear of the bed or sleep (last night was more or less dreamless FINALLY!). No, this has to do with heartburn and an addiction to Supernatural. LOL

Just wanted to post here partly for myself, I did actually FAX in the paperwork to get my medical history. Not sure if I mentioned that at all?

You know, it’s odd, the second I Faxed it, the anxiety and fears just blew away. Since I have never really dealt with that sort of anxiety before, I wasn’t sure what would happen or when it would end, or even why. What I did know was that I need that medical history above anything else that might happen, so I had to take the chance and send it.

I doubt any real information to tell me who my birth parents are will be with the paperwork, but if it is, I will deal with that when it gets here. Maybe I’ll check into it, maybe I won’t. And let’s face it, my fears about that were absolutely useless! After all, even if the information is there, and even if I do look into it? Does NOT mean I have to actually meet the bio folk(s).

All that worrying for what? Something that I don’t even have to do? Or if I do, is all my own decision, no one can force me into it. HA! Like I would let them, pftt.

Yep, nice to be back to myself, not really stressed about things I can’t control, or even can. It’s in the future, I can deal with it then.

I have enough regular stress and responsibility without worry about that sort of thing.

The interesting thing, I can now relate a tiny bit better to what my husband must go through on an hourly basis. I do NOT envy him (not that I ever did) that burden. And maybe, just maybe, I can learn to stop asking how he is and just be there if he needs me?

He will tell me what he needs to, when he is ready.

Loads of hugs all around. This is the first time in a VERY VERY long time I have actually felt truly happy, not just plastering on the happy like an actor. Truly happy.

I am not even going to worry about how long it will last, I am just going to enjoy it while it does, and save the worry for another today.

Odd feeling, to be happy, sort of forgot what it was like. I become very goofy, almost like a drugged child. Hmm odd image, but accurate. Ever see a young child on cough syrup or feverish from the flu? How they get really goofy and laugh at almost anything? That’s me.

I like laughing, but admit, it sure as hell hurts the face. I feel like I have been punched in the jaw or something. Worth it, but painful. Maybe if I “smiled more” like people suggest? 😉 Sarcasm, more my speed. heh

Best make a new category for happiness, that when on a low day, I can remember that there is an end and happiness is out there. Yep. A good day.

I do wonder how long until I get the information? Since it takes a week to get into see doc these days, it’d be nice to have a time frame. Oh well. Once I have it, I’ll have it, so any appointment will do I suppose.

I can see me getting impatient in a few weeks though. Now that I have gone ahead with it.


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