Everything’s fine. I’m fine.

It’s funny how we will tell family, friends, and even strangers that all is fine, when in fact it is anything but. I had planned on taking that “can do” attitude, even some positivity, and adding it in to my life. I was all set for it. Figured I’d see doc today, air my laundry list of health problems, and be able to take part of the load of my shoulders with it.

Turns out, my memory really is crap. Would seem that from the time I wrote the appointment down on scrap paper, got off phone, and walked to the calendar to write it down there? I got not only the time wrong, but the day as well. My appointment isn’t today, Tuesday, at 3, but Friday at 10:15. I have no clue how in 3 minutes time I could mess it up so badly! But there you have it, I did.

So, I still have 3.5 days to stew in my troubles. Oddly enough, my mental health, while very agitated, is not overly depressed. *knock on wood folks*

Now for the list of complaints, including MUCH TMI, so you may wish to stop here and just scroll past to the “tl;dr” section.

I am still getting the weird dreams / nightmares. No CLUE what they are trying to tell me, other than I just want out of the pain? Very morbid (for/to me), yet, oddly comforting in that the pain is gone at that time. Usually the pain seeps into my dreams.

I am now going on day 8 of my period, after only having 8 days break between periods. Could explain the horrible memory and exhaustion I am feeling? In the interest of accuracy, I will state, the first 3 days of this attack, were very light in comparison to the “regular” flow. I am hoping that the doctor, with my ultrasound results, will be able to give me some insight as to whether or not this is connected to my fibroid issue or something else.

That aside, the headaches and arm pain, I assume from the “over stressed back muscles”, have gotten much worse. I am now taking 2 Tylenol and an Advil every 6 hours JUST to keep the pain at a livable level (usually, when I need it, I take 1 and 1 every 8 hrs). Caffeine helps boost the meds ability, but does nothing for the sleep.

For almost 2 months now I have been getting only 3 – 6 hours a night, IF I am lucky. But the last 2 weeks or so, I have been adding 2 – 4 hour naps in. It is the only way I can function at all.

The headache has only really asserted itself in the last 3 days, but the neck pain has always been there. ER doc seemed very assured that my neck, arm, and back pain were all caused by the main bundle of nerves from the spine, being squeezed to death (not his words) by the tension in my back and shoulders. He speculated that I had been carrying the world around for years, and it might be time to put it down. (Again, not his exact words, I think the exact words were closer to “Whoa! You are tense. I haven’t felt tension this bad.” Or something to that effect?)

So, I looked up in hubby’s medical plan, and massage therapy IS covered (80%), so, it is time to start scrimping nickles together to pay the unpaid portion, and make SURE doc writes a PROPER letter as to why I need it.

ER doc had given me a shot of anesthetic directly into the shoulder muscle causing the issue, but really? It didn’t do a lot of good. Oh, it took that intense “I’m dying” pain away, but I still wake up not being able to use my hand for awhile, and ….

Well, enough complaining, time for the:

 

tl;dr

Still have pain, I’m tired of the health issues, and I messed up when my doctors appointment is, so I have to wait 3 more days.

Oddly, the pain is helping me fight the depression? Figure that out. I still have odd moments when I can’t sleep from the pain, but overall, the depression isn’t gripping me as tightly these days?!

Perhaps in the future (sooner, than later I hope) I will be able to post all about rainbows, sunshine, and lollipops for you. Until then, It may be best if I just stay silent. I have been trying, but as this post attests to, I am not great at silence when it comes to my health. hehe

P.S.

Be thankful I have spell check. My stiff fingers and sore wrist made for some VERY interesting spelling mistakes, and a barely understandable post. Wow.

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