See, my son has this HUGE heart. I am talking universe sized, when it comes to me, his father, and those he loves and trusts. One example, he bought me a book. Now, sure that may not seem like a big deal to most but let’s break this down:
1.) his first full cheque
2.) he is 19
3.) he has plans on what to spend his money on for himself
And really, I could make that MUCH longer. But the bottom line? He spent his money on me and his dad (and himself). When I told him not to? He just looked at me and said “What? You spent money on me since I was born, this is nothing!” I mean, what 19-year-old thinks, or at least DOES, that? I sure as hell never did!
Which brings me to the “big” gift he wants to get me. No, scratch that. IS getting me (he is NOT taking no for an answer). *sigh*
He is going to send me to DragonCon, all expenses paid (including any photo ops, and one or two items I might want to buy.) WHAT?
Now, in theory? I want to do this, I think? I’d love to go and actually attend a convention. I just have no fucking idea how it works, what to do, when to buy what, or anything! BUT, he is INSISTING I go “You always tell ME I have to be social Mom, and you have said you want to meet your friend in person, so you are going even if I have to go with you and DRAG you there.” And he could, will!
Thing is? I am TERRIFIED. Actually have trouble breathing just thinking about it. Not even the convention part of it or the crowds. But the meeting someone I “don’t know” part. I mean let’s face it; I do NOT know this person except for online, she might not even be going next year (he has threatened to contact her himself, brat), and I mean, well, I have NO social skills! NONE! AND what if I get there, meet her, and we don’t get along OR WORSE? What if I get there and it’s like every situation ever? “Sure, let’s hang out?” only problem is, I get ditched to sit in a corner and nurse a drink while the cool kids hang out and leave me there! AHHHHHHHHHHhhh AHHHHHHHHH …..
NO! I don’t LIKE meeting people. Especially when the WHOLE situation is WAY WAY WAY out of my comfort zone and … *breathes into a paper bag* Seriously. I am light-headed and freaking out and the whole thing isn’t even a reality yet. The fuck?
And THIS is why I don’t leave my house.
Guys, I just don’t know how or what to do about this. He is NOT taking no for an answer, and I think as it stands, I am at 55% WANTING to go and 45% terrified. So for now the wanting to go is winning out. But, that could be because I know I will be MAKING him get cancellation insurance, AND I WILL die of a heart attack before we even get there! See? Solves the whole problem …
DON’T MAKE ME GO!! (but, make me? maybe?) NO!!!