TMI: Hemorrhoids




I have suffered from bowel issues most of my life. First starting as a child, supposedly I would hold my BM’s until I almost exploded? I don’t remember, but that’s what Mom has told me.

As a teen, perhaps because of holding it as a child, I would go as long as a week before I could have a BM, even if I had to. So needless to say I would have to sit for a very long time and strain to go.

Once I hit my mid to late 20’s I began to get hemorrhoids. At first they were very minor, not much pain. Then I got pregnant! I was 26, and about 6 or 7 months pregnant and almost as bit as a house. Amazingly I had a very easy pregnancy, minor back pain, but otherwise, great, was even having easy BM’s almost daily. But at the 6 month point, for some reason, I got backed up for almost 5 days. When I finally went, the hemorrhoids became HUGE. Were talking one was the size of a golf ball. And the pain! Holy christ the pain. I could barely walk. I tried everything. By the time I got into to see the doctor it finally had disappeared.

Thankfully I have never had any that  large since. But have had them ever since. Some so painful I have debated for a long time about going to the emergency room, the only thing stopping me is knowing that there is nothing they can do.

The thing is, since my pregnancy, my BM’s themselves have changed. I have not had a solid movement in over 20 years! They are always soft, and because of the hemorrhoids, triangular in shape. And it has gotten worse as the years have gone by. Adding together age, softness of the movements, the hemorrhoids, it all adds up to anal leakage. Sort of?

I have tried adding more fiber to my diet, I have tried less fiber. Less sugar, the same sugar. Less gluten (gross!), and the same. Nothing seems to help firm things up yet still keep things moving. I still get backed up from time to time (though not since my surgery? *knock on wood*), but even then, it is still poorly form and soft.

I think the softens has added stomach acid in it? My theory. Plus it means more wiping, and not fully evacuating my bowels, which all adds up to a tender tushy with aggravated hemorrhoids!

I finally convinced my doctor to have things looked at, and had a sigmoidoscopy about 3 or 4 months ago. Even had a CT scan. They found one single polyp, which was benign. My doc had put on the order “possible hemorrhoidectomy”. Problem is, the surgeon doing the scope STRONGLY recommended against it because “might get complications”.

All of that to say, in the last 2 months, twice since my hysterectomy, I am cursing myself very vigorously for not putting my foot down and TELLING that surgeon he was DOING the hemorrhoidectomy.  Right now, I am very close to tears because all my usual tricks, and a few new ones, are not helping the pain. It truly is an intense, breath sucking pain. Thankfully it comes in waves, or I would resort to cutting them off myself. I am 90% serious. It is that intense of a pain. The problem is, the waves of pain may come and go, but it is about every 3 – 5 minutes that it is so intense I hiss.

For the moment I have the intensity down to about 6 or 7, so I am dealing okay. But That means no moving from the waist down, so my back is cramping, knees are aching, and my feet have fallen asleep. BUT, if I move, that intensity has the possibility of shooting up to about 12. And I will avoid that even if it means losing my legs.

This is when I wish I had aspirin in the house, I’d crush a few up, make a paste and spread it on the area. No CLUE if it’d work, but I know it helped bug bites when I was a kid. It’d be worth trying?!

I truly would never wish this on anyone. Mmm well, maybe a few people? But only if I felt they didn’t deserve to exist in the first place.

I am almost wishing it’d hurt so I could move. I REALLY have to pee now.


Aren’t you glad I share so much?

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