What now?

I think I have mentioned before that I had a CT scan awhile back, before my hysterectomy, and it showed that my kidney was slightly enlarged. Since then, nothing has come of that. They took a quick look at it when in there for the hysterectomy but apparently nothing was going on? or at least it wasn’t on the report.

I have always had times where my urine was a bit cloudy, it would last for a bit then go away. For many years, each and every time I would get tested for all things they could think of, it always came back as nothing wrong. A few times they even did a whack of blood tests, still, nothing.

After my surgery, while still in the hospital, the nurse mentioned my cloudy urine. I told her my story (in about 2 seconds) “Yep. comes and goes. Been tested. *shrug*” So she left me alone. Thing is, usually this cycle is about a week of cloudy, then a varied amount of time normal. This time, from a week before surgery until 2 days ago, it has been fairly consistent in its cloudiness.

I had accompanying pain.

I had started to attributed any pain and cloudiness to recovery, until the pain went away for a month, but came back, sharper and more intense, but very random and infrequent. The pain was usually located where my ovaries are, or the top of my vaginal cuff (odd term, but that’s what it is called), with the odd twinge in various places.

I needed to get a prescription refilled any way, so made an appointment last week, which was today. And, of course, the pain and cloudiness cleared up about a day after I made the appointment. Doc took a urine sample any way just to make sure. I haven’t had a phone call, so either it needed to be sent to the hospital, which I won’t know until Monday, or all was fine.

The problem is, I am beginning to get pain again, but this time, instead of the sharp pains in various places, it is now a deeper, more constant pain, higher up both in the back and front just under my ribs. If I apply heat, pressure, and sit in a certain way, it sort of goes away. Feels more like a sore muscle that is resting. But if I stand, or move it is there, aching. Like someone is squeezing “it” and just won’t let go.

I have no clue if it is my kidney again, or any other issue. In fact, I am pretty sure it is more related to my bowel problems than to any surgery or kidney problems. Because there are times, the ache goes away, even if just briefly, usually if I am having a bowel movement. It could be just the way my organs have settled after the surgery? Sort of changing the pain I get when my bowels act up?

Whatever it is, I would really like a better answer than “Well, you have bowel issues. Not much we can do about it, so try eating differently and we’ll hope it goes away.” That just isn’t going to cut it any more.

Ok, sitting here, with the heat bag, dealing with my legs going numb from the way I have to sit? I am reminding myself I need to STOP with the whole denial thing. This pain IS the same as when they found out my kidney was swollen last time. So, good chance it is that again. Still need an answer though. Not “Oh, it got better and nothing happened, so I guess you are ok”. I want to know why it is doing this.

(I really am very bad for down playing any issues I have, even here. And to my family? Pftt I am ALWAYS “fine!” — I need to stop that, even if just here)

For those of you looking for a tl;dr, I guess, hmm, I have pain, may be my kidney again, I deny that, but then admit it, and yeah, dealing with pain.

But WAIT! I do have a happy part!

Ignore all the above and ignore the fact my mood is still fairly low:

This hysterectomy has (so far) been the best thing to ever happen to me! And if I can get my sleep in check, I am pretty sure I can actually try for an active life too! I have now had 4 (maybe 5?) would be “cycles”, and it is slowly sinking in that I haven’t had the same type of pain, or bleeding as I used to, and I never will again! I get some MINOR back pain still, the odd ovulation pain, but I am not get the pain that needs pain killers (or even OTC meds!) I am not getting the light-headed dizzy sick feeling from loss of blood, nowhere near as bad of mood swings, hell even my “depression” doesn’t quite seem so bad (at the moment – too long to get into, ever).

You know, health aside (both physical and mental), I am FINALLY starting to feel like maybe the holidays won’t suck ass. I almost want to hear a Christmas song. (LOVE most, usually, but lately … CRINGE)

Also? I just want to say, to those of you who read this, I truly hope you have a great holiday.

And to Cat (Charlotte), for no real reason except you have always shown me kindness … thank you. I doubt I could ever explain what you have done for me just by being, but, Thanks. ❤ You are an amazing human with a huge heart, and I love you for that.

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