If you listen in on others conversations, in passing (don’t eaves drop, it’s rude), or think back on many of your own, I am sure you will remember hearing many times folks refer to life and its journey as a road. Seldom do you hear it describe any other way, or if you do, it is usual a drawn out path, road, river. Something with boundaries and direction.
More and more lately I am beginning to discover that life, or at least, MY life, is more of an ocean, maybe an island? If I am lucky enough one day.
Oceans are vast, and can be packed full of things, yet you can still feel completely alone. You might have a boat, or life raft, maybe even a cruise liner, or you might be a drift with nothing to hang on to. Some times you can “upgrade” your situation, and sometimes you fall over board. You are never truly 100% alone, yet, some days you can look for miles in any direction and see nothing.
It may seem like so much bad, but it can have so much good to it too. If you are lucky enough to have even just a wooden plank to sit on, who knows what that ocean might bring. You don’t HAVE a set path you have to follow, there isn’t just one direction, there are so many ways you can go. Hell, if you have the right things you can even go up, or down, not just forward of back. Sideways, diagonally. All are options, if you have the right things.
But, that ocean, and all those choices can be so over whelming, seem like you have nowhere to go, hopeless, lost.
But look around. I remind myself so often. LOOK AROUND! Do you have a friend? A parent? A partner? Then you are not alone. You can share your fears, decide together what direction to take. If it is the wrong way? Many more to choose from.
One day I will learn this for myself. I won’t flounder in the ocean (pun partially intended) letting the waves push me under. One day, when I look around and see my family, I WILL let them help me. I won’t boost them up to stand on my shoulders, we will support each other and float together, until we are all, each of us stronger, not just one.
A rock in the ocean will sink. I need to stop being the rock. Baby steps though, maybe I will be the plank of wood first?
I know this. I just need to practice it.
I need to stop giving in to the dark, and fight.
It’s been a rough few months (passing a sickness back and forth, money, other things …). But I am pretty sure it has felt worse because I have let it push me down. I haven’t fought back. NOW I fight back.