Dreams

Alright, I promise no more posts for a day (or more) after this one. Multiple posts aren’t usually my thing, but boy I had need of it the last day or two.

This one is more fluff than substance that’s for sure. I just want to type out this dream while I am still remembering the details. Usually, even dreams I can fully recall on waking, fade within an hour or so or don’t sit there wanting me to remember it. This one is haunting me. It wasn’t a bad dream, not really. But it wasn’t a good dream either.

I figured with all that’s happened lately that I would get some stress dreams, but usually those dreams have some connection to what is going on, this one, as far as I can tell, has no connection at all.

Let me ask a question, do you ever have dreams where you can fly? Many people do, but I have to wonder just how many of us who dream of flying (no planes or anything, just us with our own power), still have not learned how by now?

See, when I “fly” in my dreams, I seldom have any control. I know in the dream that I have before, I just can not get the hang of it. It’s more floating and drifting than flying. It’s panic inducing for sure, but over the years, even in my dreams, I have learned that eventually I will control it, or come down. So sometimes I am able to enjoy.

Now, keep that in mind when I mention “flying” in the dream.

It was a disjointed dream, but somehow all in one?

*******

I was standing outside, near a lake (that was actually a cemented water way?) with some people. I could sense that I was about to “fly” And could see on the horizon storm clouds rolling in. I knew if I could JUST keep my feet on the ground I’d be okay. I just had to get inside. I looked towards the 60’s style open veranda fronted house and screamed at someone, I needed to come in NOW before the wind. I told them to come help me or throw me something, but it was too late, the wind picked up. I was off the ground and being blown away. I managed JUST enough control to aim myself to the top of a “sail boat” (but was a speed boat?) to grab the rope.

Once I had a hold of the rope and the wind began to die down, my friend (who I still have no clue who anyone was, I saw no faces) hauled me down and into the building.

Everything flashed black and now I was floating in a mall/theater/convention center. Similar to an airport lay out, but designs of a posh theater, and the concessions of a convention or event. No one I knew was around, and most people didn’t bother to look up to see me “flying” around. Much like a balloon losing its helium, I would bobber lower from time to time, which frustrated the hell out of me. I KNEW if I could just touch the floor with a flat foot, I’d be fine. A group of about 5 or so kids saw me and decided they would “help me”. They all took a turn dragging me around by the ankle and letting go so I would zoom past store fronts and benches,  before they would catch me again. Sometimes they would spin me. One of the younger girls in the group finally decide she would help me while the others ate. She had to jump several times, causing me to bob like an apple in water, finally grabbing my pant leg and being dragged a little way. I finally came crashing down right in to the side of one of the concession stands, into the group of kids sitting on bar stools? The one kid (same one who tried to help me down?) and said she’d never help me again.

Flashed black again briefly, and in the same building, but now I had a lanyard, papers, and a backpack and I was trying to find the autograph stadium for Jensen and Jared. (Honest, that’s what I called it, an “Autograph stadium”) I was alone, but having a fun time even with the crowd that was milling about, and even though apparently that had been the “millionth time I’d been lost that day”. I was happy.

I walked in and the room was setup much like I have seen for US college classes amphitheater style (staggered raised rows) but instead of individual seating, each row was cushy, red velvet curved benches the full length of the rows, but with ability to have pillowed full back armrests (?? It made no sense, it was a dream!). It wasn’t empty, but it wasn’t very full either. About half way down the row was a little blonde girl, about 4 or 5 years old. She squealed my name and hugged me around my legs.

me: “Hey, where’s your Mom? Brother? (she points to where her brother is laying on the bench/chair?) Are you two here alone?”

Girl: “Mom hasn’t come back yet.” She whined, becoming agitated and scared.

Me: “You’ve been here since this morning? This WHOLE TIME?”

Girl: Nods, and sniffles a little

I pick her up and she clings to my neck hugging me so tight I thought my neck would break just as badly as my heart. I cradled her, and turned to sit down. Just then this thin, odd woman with thin straggly dirty blonde hair walks towards us with 2 or 3 other women. She is very sullen as she looks over and sees me holding her daughter. She says goodbye to the other women, laughing and talking about what they were doing after this was over.

At this point, as she entered the lights had been dimmed, there was a video playing (had something to do with some diagram I saw online a few days ago, but yet, somehow tied into Supernatural? I think a family tree?) and I was trying to hear what was being said. her and her friends were disruptive, and the whole panel (about 6 people? I didn’t see them but knew they were there?)was keeping an eye on us as the video played while some older guy (looked a bit like George RR Martin??) narrated it.

I stood and held out my hand to introduce myself, she knocked my hand away and grabbed her daughter and sat down. I could smell the alcohol on her breath. It actually knocked me back and made me turn my head.

(There were more details but they are fading already, I think I had been late as well? And the girl and I had more of a conversation. I remember the little girl being so warm, and small, tucking her face into my neck, not wanting to let go. I felt so damned protective of that little thing. I remember wanting to kill the mother.)

After the mother took the girl, I sat down for a second and listen to the video/panel, and stewed in what just happened. I slid down the bench and quietly walked to the back of the room and talked to the usher (guard??) and told him about the kids being left there, how the boy still was not awake, and that the girl had showed me the drinks the mom had given them and they were dosed with alcohol. The guy said he’d go call the police (or security?) but not until the panel was over in an hour. Just before autographs?. Asked me to stay and keep an eye out for the kids.

It skipped to the end like a fast forward (?), I remember the panel just watching us, maybe in case they needed to leave? And then the lights were on, it was just me and the kid and the panel just getting up to go to the back, and the lady was walking up the ramp (stairs?) to leave. The little girl came over and FLUNG herself around me again. Oddly, her hug felt comforting, even though I was protecting her.

I was asked to keep the kids there for a few hours until someone came for them (I assume social services? Or some such?). I kept reminding them that the boy needed medical help as he STILL had not woken up.

There is a fair amount of minor detail about how we sat, just me holding her, concern for the boy. Seemed like maybe an 30 minutes in the dream? Then all of a sunned Jensen and Jared were sitting  in the row behind us asking what had happened, the mom was there (again), but the police took her? (it was disjointed, like a badly written story mixes things up) The boy woke up and he cuddled into me, he was about 10? He told me about the mom and her drinking and abuse, I just hugged them both for a VERY long time while quietly talked to Jensen and Jared They asked what I was missing (odd question) said I didn’t care.

They told me I was a good person for caring for and about the kids, and just as the little girl hugged even tighter and I closed my eyes I woke up. I know someone said something, just as I woke, but I have no clue who or what.

I had hoped typing this out I might remember.

 

I still feel anger at the mom, and just want to keep hold of the little girl and keep her safe. BOY I was mad, but I felt so protective and loving of that little girl and the boy.

I assume it all has something to do with work? Or at the least the stress I felt? I will also assume I am the little girl? Not quite sure what my brain was telling me, but it was interesting.

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