Update to last nights post

So, after this post, I found my self in a good place. Not great, but I had come to terms with the fact I would be receiving a resounding no, and need to look for work. I even managed to have a (mostly) dreamless sleep, once I fell asleep?

I vaguely remember the kid coming in to the bedroom and saying something about the phone, and hubby telling him I was sleeping. But I thought it was a dream.

When I woke up, there was a message. I need to phone the lady back. Which I did (after phoning mom to say “OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO?”).

Turns out, I start work next Wednesday! HOLY CRAP! Honestly, I really hadn’t held out any hope. NONE! I didn’t want to either. I would rather have excited, new job nerves than the ones I would have had if they said no and I thought I might have a slim chance.

This anxiety/pressure I am placing on myself right now isn’t a bad thing, but is almost worse (physical feelings) than yesterdays nerves. Go figure. At least it is for a better reason. I really am shocked that I have been given this second chance, and of course very happy, but I am also so damned nervous. I haven’t had a “real job” in so long, I am scared, excited, and worried, and a whole bunch of other feelings I can place my finger on.

Part of me, the part that hates stress and leaving home, wants to call her back and say “NO! I CAN’T! You have made a HORRIBLE mistake!” Thankfully, there is a more rational, calmer side of me. And that is giving me the pep talks and babbling about how good this will be…. and, ya.

I have a feeling this will help the depression to. Several reasons, I will be getting out of the house, I will be earning money (on top of the park), and I will have something to go to – a sense of purpose. Working from home is wonderful, but being “self-employed”, it’s a  lackadaisical type job, I have never really had …. well, not sure what? Challenge? Purpose? Whatever it is, I think this will be it.

Now if I can just get these emotions under control, things could look up in a big way?

I’ll tell ya, I do NOT believe in superstitious crap, but more and more these days I would SWEAR the whole “things come in threes” saying is true. I mean, it’s NOT, but it has been. haha

********

For those interested, this is how the conversation went

 

Me: Hello, *name* This is *me* calling you back?

New lady boss: Oh! Yes. Hi. *with real concern in her voice* How are you feeling today?

Me: *second of stunned silence guess the meaning* *stuttering* I, I’m okay. I think?

NLB: Oh good. *possible smile* I wanted you to know, that after our interview yesterday, I was going to hire you!

Me: *taking forever (3 seconds) to realize she is SAYING I am hired*

NLB: *Small laugh*

Me: oh. OH!! I. …. Thank you! You will NOT be disappointed.

NLB: Oh, I KNOW I won’t be. I really feel you are a good fit here.

And then a bunch of stuff about what I need, what she needs (birth-date etc) and my first shift.

Me: Thank you, again. I look forward to Wednesday (or something like that?)

NLB: Thank you. I really feel you will be a great fit in our company!

we hang up

Me: OH HOLY CRAP! *grabs kid – Vibrates slightly with nerves*

Kid: See? I TOLD you you would get it. I just KNEW, after how you said she ended it I knew.

Me: SHUT UP! *evil cackle*

***********************

And I am still vibrating slightly (spilled my coffee about 4 times already), and as I said … NERVES! It is an ego boost (someone OTHER than family things I deserve a second chance) and disheartening (What if I screw up?) all at the same time right now. Very raw nerves. But, mostly the happy is winning. 😀 😀

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*runs around house*

 

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