So, after this post, I found my self in a good place. Not great, but I had come to terms with the fact I would be receiving a resounding no, and need to look for work. I even managed to have a (mostly) dreamless sleep, once I fell asleep?
I vaguely remember the kid coming in to the bedroom and saying something about the phone, and hubby telling him I was sleeping. But I thought it was a dream.
When I woke up, there was a message. I need to phone the lady back. Which I did (after phoning mom to say “OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO?”).
Turns out, I start work next Wednesday! HOLY CRAP! Honestly, I really hadn’t held out any hope. NONE! I didn’t want to either. I would rather have excited, new job nerves than the ones I would have had if they said no and I thought I might have a slim chance.
This anxiety/pressure I am placing on myself right now isn’t a bad thing, but is almost worse (physical feelings) than yesterdays nerves. Go figure. At least it is for a better reason. I really am shocked that I have been given this second chance, and of course very happy, but I am also so damned nervous. I haven’t had a “real job” in so long, I am scared, excited, and worried, and a whole bunch of other feelings I can place my finger on.
Part of me, the part that hates stress and leaving home, wants to call her back and say “NO! I CAN’T! You have made a HORRIBLE mistake!” Thankfully, there is a more rational, calmer side of me. And that is giving me the pep talks and babbling about how good this will be…. and, ya.
I have a feeling this will help the depression to. Several reasons, I will be getting out of the house, I will be earning money (on top of the park), and I will have something to go to – a sense of purpose. Working from home is wonderful, but being “self-employed”, it’s a lackadaisical type job, I have never really had …. well, not sure what? Challenge? Purpose? Whatever it is, I think this will be it.
Now if I can just get these emotions under control, things could look up in a big way?
I’ll tell ya, I do NOT believe in superstitious crap, but more and more these days I would SWEAR the whole “things come in threes” saying is true. I mean, it’s NOT, but it has been. haha
For those interested, this is how the conversation went
Me: Hello, *name* This is *me* calling you back?
New lady boss: Oh! Yes. Hi. *with real concern in her voice* How are you feeling today?
Me: *second of stunned silence guess the meaning* *stuttering* I, I’m okay. I think?
NLB: Oh good. *possible smile* I wanted you to know, that after our interview yesterday, I was going to hire you!
Me: *taking forever (3 seconds) to realize she is SAYING I am hired*
NLB: *Small laugh*
Me: oh. OH!! I. …. Thank you! You will NOT be disappointed.
NLB: Oh, I KNOW I won’t be. I really feel you are a good fit here.
And then a bunch of stuff about what I need, what she needs (birth-date etc) and my first shift.
Me: Thank you, again. I look forward to Wednesday (or something like that?)
NLB: Thank you. I really feel you will be a great fit in our company!
we hang up
Me: OH HOLY CRAP! *grabs kid – Vibrates slightly with nerves*
Kid: See? I TOLD you you would get it. I just KNEW, after how you said she ended it I knew.
Me: SHUT UP! *evil cackle*
And I am still vibrating slightly (spilled my coffee about 4 times already), and as I said … NERVES! It is an ego boost (someone OTHER than family things I deserve a second chance) and disheartening (What if I screw up?) all at the same time right now. Very raw nerves. But, mostly the happy is winning. 😀 😀
*runs around house*