Just venting …

Not looking for sympathy, or anything like that, I just need to vent a little.

First, I have to say, I do enjoy my job. It’s not the most glamorous of jobs, and I am sore many nights when I get home, but I like seeing people, and knowing that I am making money.

That said, even with the loan we got recently (to pay off the last of the car, and just try to get our heads above water), we are back to square one with not a lot to show for it. Sure, I have work pants that fit, and we have some groceries in the fridge. BUT we couldn’t even pay the rent this month (the first payment after boss said no more sliding!!) and I have no fucking clue how it happened.

No, I am serious. I had EVERYTHING budgeted, and we had a minor surplus for small things (like my pants), and they take out the cat payment, and BOOM we show up a thousand in the red. Granted, hubby did spend extra when it looked like they weren’t taking the car payment, but said they did (2 weeks ago). But no WAY did we spend A THOUSAND extra! WHAT THE FUCK!

I have no CLUE what to do. and I really am starting to feel like I am working for NOTHING. We just can NOT seem to get ahead in this world. It’s like any time we catch a break and get our heads above water someone is there pushing us back under.

STILL haven’t heard from LTD, so no CLUE if we will ever get that. (I am not holding my breath) Hubby called, and apparently there was staff change and we got pushed back blah blah …

THIS is why I KNEW I shouldn’t be happy. EVERY time you get happy, some one kicks you in the head. I guess THIS is what happens when you miss 2 days of work.

Honestly, WHY is life only about having money? You HAVE to have it to eat, to have some sort of life. Even most forms of recreation costs money. Sure, hiking is free, but not if you do not have anything other than 10-year-old sneakers, then it costs $100 for a pair of CHEAP hiking shoes. Swimming, sure, but most bathing suits (no I do not have one) run about $80 now.

But, yeah. I have NO CLUE what to tell boss man about the rent. No CLUE how to get out of this one. NO CLUE.

I have always been able to figure something out, less on a bill here, not pay that one there, juggle juggle, BOOM, okay now. But, I can’t. I don’t see any way out.

Fuck, NOW I have to go to work. Someone kill me? Maybe a shelving unit will crush me at work. One can hope.

HOW the HELL am I suppose to fight for my life (against depression) when it is dreadful outside, money situation is FUCKED, and I just …

*Smiles* alright, work … “and how is YOUR day? I’m great, thanks for asking!”

*dies in side, the last shred of hope, gone*

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