Strange mood

Moods have a funny way of trying to run away with our bodies. No, seriously. Think about it for a moment. 

When you have a very strong mood, happy, sad, anger, whatever, your body tends to react in some way, usually without your permission. And if you have an issue with brain chemicals, then sometimes it can be overwhelming, and hard to get under control.

I am lucky enough that while I have S.A.D (seasonal affective disorder) it is mild and USUALLY only in with her,and occasionally during gloomy days.

Thing is, once in a small while it will show up unannounced in a weird way (doc’s not sure why, other than “probably all your other health issues adding to the issue, thyroid mainly”. Awesome <– note the sarcasm). 

When I am over tired, or my IBS (or whatever) flares up, or some odd combination of things (5th day of 7 day work schedule) happens, then my brain sort of goes into the automatic poilet mode and I can become overtly sad or anger for very little, or subconscious reasons? 

Today I gradually, and consistently became more and more agitated. To the point I HONESTLY wanted to damage some thing or one (I would NOT have! To be clear, NOT hurt, nope). 

Usually once home and doing mundane and routine things my mind can calm itself fairly quickly. Tonight it took over an hour, and I STILL feel … Well, like I wish I could play god and destroy this planet and just start over. I know it’s not possible, but I can dream.

*Sigh* even my music is doing little to sooth the monster that wants to play. Mind, it doesn’t help that I am bloated, and in an IBS* attack. That does NOTHING to help my mood. (Hell, I am stuck on the toilet as I type this)

We have also had the weirdest Spring and Summer (even Winter was off) and loads of rain lately. So THAT is not helping. 

I guess what I am saying, is the brain is an evil fuck who will screw with you at the most random times. It will seriously fuck you up and cause folks to give you that look, you know the one, where one eyebrow goes up and they tilt and turn their head away from you just enough their eyes have to look down and sideways at you? The look that says “you’s fucked, boy and how! Were you dropped, repeatedly as a kid?” THAT look.

Anyway, I am starting to think brain chemical imbalance is contagious, but affects everyone differently, so the world is being torn apart. 

And, you know, the news is depressing, don’t watch it folks.


Sometimes life just sucks. With, and without reasons.

I need sleep, I think?

*Still not convinced it is IBS, and WILL make doc test me for EVERYTHING… When I can find a day off he has available??

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