Positivity progress

It has been almost a week since I have started making a huge effort to be more positive in my life. I will not lie, it has been very difficult. Health issues, work problems, and life in general has thrown a few curve balls my way, really challenging my new views. Hell, some-days it was hard to even view my family as a positive. Not because they weren’t, but because of the black cloud that is trying to follow me would block my view.

What I didn’t realize, or rather, what I only partially acknowledged, was I was in the midst of a nasty asthma attack that was robbing me of precious oxygen, adding to my already bad health. Thankfully, doc fit me in today and has given me a supply of Prednisone for approximately 4 attacks! Which, if history has anything to say about it, is almost a 2 year supply. *whew* So glad 12 small pills can be such a life saver.

To share my thoughts on my progress, I should probably lay out what my goals, and hopes, were for this.

Ultimately, I just wanted to feel better emotionally, up my ability to fight depression (possibly with a big pointy stick, slowly). My hope was that if I could get my emotions on a tight leash, then my health would, not so much be cured, but at least affect how I perceived the pain and discomfort of the problems.

I thought at first, if I could just see the good in small things; family, living, breathing, waking up, that sort of thing, then perhaps larger things could be found.

So far, The small things have become a bit easier to find, and is even bring me comfort. Thing is, I am not sure what the big things are yet. It is a work in progress, but that alone is a positive, I AM doing it, even when I want to give up.

Pushing myself to see the positive is not easy for me. At least not for what seems like a lifetime, since my health has deteriorated to the point of controlling me. So this pushing myself, I am counting it.

Also, Honestly? I think the rabbit has been the best for me. Which is odd, since it was what pushed my asthma to the point of breaking. I am not sure why it is such a big part of my positive improvement? Perhaps because it is a TRUE rescue – all other animals we have had were “pre-rescue” (not yet given away) – Maybe it is seeing how damned happy the horny little piss pot is even when caged! To see him doing flops, flips, high jumps, greeting us? Just wonderful. Makes me teary, and angry, and a bit stabby when I think how he, and possibly two* other animals (which we have not found) were just let go to fend for themselves!

All logic says that having him should not make me happy; is only partial trained, HUGE trigger of my asthma/allergies, expensive – food, care, etc. ,  not fixed, is trying to mate with the cats …

But, I fell, HARD, for him as soon as I saw him. To be fair, I feel this way towards 90% of animals I see. ❤

Another mood lifter, that I must point out, is the days are getting longer, and the sun is returning. Also, while not all bills are caught up, we are slowly climbing to a stable spot, and we can even begin saving in the not so far off future. Possibly even by summer.

Yes, I am struggling, but I am learning, and I WILL see improvement, not just my mood, but my health. Even if I have to fix myself. 😉

Even being willing to keep fighting, and finding that fight to be less stressful, is a positive!

This entry was posted in depression, Family, Health, Life. Bookmark the permalink.

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