Illness update:

Hopefully I can keep this short, and free from my usual rambling.

Saw my doc today, He feels I shouldn’t work until I am 100%, we agreed that working would probably set me back at this stage of where I am. I’m not sure if we are going to wait until I have the colonoscopy, or not, because even thought I watched him send both FAX and e-mail (he tried to call, but they were closed. Closed. On a Wed at 10:30? WHAT?). The subject was “URGENT PATIENT REFERRAL NOW” Not sure of the font, but it was bold just like that, and MUCH larger than any other type on the page.

I am at the stage in my “recovery” where I have good moments, in which I feel guilty I am not working, and MISS working. BUT, I will usually have a nasty cramp just as my frustration hits peek moping power, and realize I just can’t work right now.

When the cramping and pain hits, the ONLY thing that works is my heat bag (Boy I need ointment for my belly burns) and squishing my knees to my chest. Probably not something a cashier should be doing at work? Besides, my “good moments” are usually only for 6 hours, 3 of which I have to be asleep for.

Work was good about it all. I admit, I was very nervous telling them I need an indefinite amount of time off for this. *SIGH* I actually thought they might try to fire me, or get me to quit, or even just lay a guilt trip. Two of those are illegal, and being in a union, even more unsavoury, but hey, it was just how it felt it might go. But, nope. The lady I usually try to deal with was very sympathetic, and threatened my husband “You ARE taking care of her, RIGHT?”  hehe Not that he isn’t, but, as hubby said, he dang near said “Yes Ma’am” and snapped to attention.

Honestly, I can tell when the Prednisone is working (the hours I feel less pain, and twisted inside), but it sure doesn’t seem to be doing a lot outside that time frame? Tomorrow is my 5th day on it, then I start the weaning off process for 4 days. I admit, I am VERY nervous what will happen when I am not on it, but scared to be put on it full-time (Side effects can be NASTY!)

Hopefully doc remembered to phone the surgeon as well, and I can get in, find out exactly WHAT this is and get on some sort of long-term treatment plan.

I am still at a loss to what brought this on. I was following the diet, to a T for almost a week when it struck. So either the “good food” was the cause, or something else I can’t figure out is going on.

I mean, if it IS a blockage, then no diet will help, if it is cancer, diet won’t cause a flare. And even with Crohn’s, The research I have done shows that no specific diet is going to help. They just recommend keeping a food journal, and it is possible you will find a trigger that way. Not every one has food triggers, it is unusual, but it is possible to have flares without one. The hardest part, is that it varies so much from person to person (if this is what I have) AND even from time to time. All this times I have said that my flare triggers seem to change, isn’t so off the mark.

Right now, I keep CRAVING two things, to the point of mouth-watering, stomach growling hunger I can TASTE them; coffee and a DQ burger. I VOW, the SECOND I think I can eat an actual REAL meal of something so “forbidden”, I am getting in my car, driving the 40 minutes to get me a double cheese burger with onion rings (another no-no), and a hot caramel sundae, and chase it all down with a Tim Horton’s double double ….. *droooooool*

OKAY! ENOUGH TORTURE! I am stopping here, before I go off the deep end, well, okay further into the deep end….

So much for short, and no rambling.

See, now, right this second? (with heat bag firmly in place) I feel I could be at work, or eat real food, or … live. Maybe someday soon, I will be a REAL girl, with REAL dreams, and live life.

Until then, I will fight this the only way I know. Barrel through, head on, hoping I can make the other side. Using my weirdness as my shield, and my (whacked out) humour as my sword.

PLUS, it is just REALLY really nice to have so many friends through this. I also sort of knew I had them (some newer), but, to see and feel the support?  …

*punches you in arm* STOP! I’m not crying, YOU’RE crying! Just my allergies to the rabbit!

ALWAYS keeping fighting folks, ALWAYS. There ARE people who love you, even if you don’t know them yet!

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