Know your body. We are not told that enough as kids. Really, we aren’t. We are always taught that others know us better. Doctors, parents, family, even friends. But, especially Doctors. From the first time we are hurt, scraped knee, loose tooth, we are taught, and we learn, others know what we are feeling, what is wrong, better than we do.
I am learning, finally, that at forty plus (damned near 50) that what we have been taught is wrong.
Okay, before I go any further, let me remind you all, I am still very dopey. Between the sedatives for the scopes, and the Percocet for my tooth pain, and a dash of few days with no sleep … Yeah, I haven’t much brain power. So if I am rambling more than usual, or clarity of my words is muddier than usual? That’s why. I will be walking away MANY times in the middle of a sentence while my brain tries to remember what the fuck I am saying. (3 times already!)
Look, as anyone who reads anything I post, anywhere, can tell you, I have health problems. And for as long as I can remember, I have always been told nothing is wrong with me. I get that I can be a bit over zealous with my demanding answers, and even finding problems where there aren’t any, but it IS my body. MY health. I know when something is wrong.
Jumping back: Yes, we are taught from day one others know us better, BUT, I happened to be damned lucky to have a Mom who was a nurse, and so as I got older, she contradicted that. I may have started out as all of us do, learning others know more, but I was also seeing that it is MY health, and I know when something isn’t right.
So while I may not have consciously known I was doing it, I took charge of my health. It just happened to take hold in my conscious parts in the last few years.
Hell, if I hadn’t had a Mom like that? Showing me that it IS my body, my health, I know? I wouldn’t have had my thyroid problems, or my allergies and asthma (they go hand in hand for me) problems figured out.
All that preamble rambling to get on about my colonoscopy. ??
Maybe I should leave this post for another day. (But you KNOW I won’t!)
I want to get this out of my head while I still remember anything. Which, honestly? I am not sure how much of this is accurate. I am still so damned dopey.
Other than the prep damned near killing me (figuratively), I wasn’t bad going into this thing. Mentally I was (would have been, with proper sleep) fine. Anxious for results/answers, but otherwise fine. But pain, general discomfort, and lack of sleep at the time had me believing I was in a very dark place mentally. Even though I am still exhausted, I can see I was wrong about that.
I got to the hospital, and boy they were nice. I even got some new fuzzy socks for my feet (because I noticed the socks I was wear were fuzzy from being washed with dark pants. hehe). They really did their best to make me comfortable, and I must have seemed more nervous than I was, because not just the nurses, but the doctor as well, almost babied me? Not in a condescending way, but in a calming way. If that makes sense? It was relaxing.
The numbing spray from my throat stung, but as it took effect I felt the tickle for my cough/asthma disappear, and by that point the sedative was working. I do not remember much of anything. I do recall pain? In a sort of dream like way. I have no clue if I said anything, or even if I could say anything? It may have all just been in my head? I just remember the sensation of pain, cramping type with occasional sharp pains? I remember whimpering, and thinking (maybe saying) ow? In my head I was moaning and saying it over and over, ow ow ow. But no clue if I really was?
I have a feeling it was when ever they took a biopsy, or removed a polyp. But again, I really don’t know.
They did find inflammation in my esophagus. And from my bit of research today could be from many things: I am a smoker, I have GERD, Asthma (which causes coughing), or it could be from Candida overgrowth (I have suspected that for a long time), or many other things.
The doctor did mention they could see no obvious signs of inflammation in my colon (but I had JUST come off Prednisone), but he did take a biopsy, which will show inflammation even after the fact. They found 3 polyps. Nothing very big, largest one was 7mm. I can’t remember when my Sigmoidoscopy was (about 3 years ago??) but seems like a short time to find more? Will ask my doc about that.
Thankfully I do not have any blockages, or obvious signs of cancer. Though the tests on the polyps will let me know for sure if that is an issue.
I admit, I felt a bit … mmm let down? Almost depressed when he was first telling me everything. I had really hoped for the whole “AH HA!” moment with my body. Again, I KNOW something is wrong. I just needed to know what! But, the bit of research I have done today on polyps, and just the fact they still need to test the polyps and tissue samples, I am still holding out there might be that moment yet?
The research I have done on polyps tells me that they can cause the blood and mucous symptoms I have been having, and occasionally the cramps, though, the fact mine were so small, they don’t usually do that.
I also learned that Crohn’s and other IBD/S can cause polyps, and polyps can cause IBD/S … (hurting my head), and they can all have similar symptoms, which all circles around each other, neither actually being the cause, but may be the cause and … *passes out*
Okay, breath. I am very confused, but hopeful this is still an answer, even if it isn’t obvious. I also found out that my hypothyroidism may be adding to the symptoms? But nothing seems to be a for sure on that. Candida also seems to be a possible cause.
To be honest, I suspect it is a SMALL bit of all of it. Each thing on its own doesn’t show that I have anything obviously wrong, but combine them, even in small bits, and it adds up to one large pain/problem.
Just a theory on my part. but makes sense to me. Much like baking soda on its own won’t foam, vinegar by itself does little, but combine them, even in a little amount, and you get a large reaction …
Umm, yeah THAT is my cue to stop typing and go back to bed. Maybe when I have a brain again I will edit and refine this post? Not likely, but, maybe.