Just need to whine, vent, and swear.

My bowels are over the top bad today. I have gone three times now, each progressively more painful than the last.

This time, I have years rolling down my face, and I can not stop them. Between the feeling of being turned inside out, acid in the fecal matter, and the hemorrhoids screaming from the pushing (not by choice. Much like labour, it is by reflex, not choice. Actually feels like I have an elephant trying to crawl out my ass), along with the bowels cramping and twisting, the pain I am in is very close to an 8. Damned near a 9 at points.

What can I say, I have a high pain threshold. *Shrugs*

Still not quite as bad as what sent me to the hospital. That truly felt like I had molten metal coming out my butt, and broken glass in my colon. Plus like someone was trying to cut their way out.

No, this isn’t THAT bad. But enough I needed my heat bag set to nuclear, and a new box of Kleenex for the tears and snot.

It is times like this, I am reminded why I am not working, and why I have moments where I actually want to be dead! Or paralyzed from the waist down.

No feeling, no pain.

The hardest part is, because of my newest medication, I can not take Percocet (which doesn’t work on the hemorrhoids, but DOES work on the back, pelvic, and bowel pain). Percocet is a life saver when it gets this bad. But the new medication, even in its tiny dose, is a opiate blocker. I’d have no adverse reactions, just be a waste, as it wouldn’t work.

Thankfully, in the time it took to type this out on my phone, the pain has subsided (thank you nuclear heat bag!!), and the distraction of posting has kept me from panicking. I had begun to hyperventilate. Which is never fun with asthma.

So, sorry about the graphic images, but thank you for allowing me to calm myself by traumatizing you.
NOW maybe I can get more than an hour of broken sleep?? Usually when the pain and “labour” is this bad it means I have finally rid myself of what was irritating me. Loose lining, or just being backed up – not constipated, or because I am mid-flare.

Over 24 hrs awake (I am not counting my two attempts at sleep, because while I dozed, I didn’t get restful sleep and could feel the sharp cramps keeping me from real sleep)! I need more sleep than that.

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