So, when I was up getting my blood tests the other week, they asked if I wanted to sign up for their site. It would allow me to see my test results, and review the results of x-rays etc.


Of course I said yes. I mean, I AM active in my own health care, this would be another (perfect) tool to help me help the doctor find out what the fuck is wrong with me. Right?


All it has done is create a monster!

1.) I have NO CLUE how to read many of the results

2.) When I search them, every fucking country has different ranges for what is normal (and Canada seldom comes up. grr)

Plus, in many of them I am either consistently on the lower end, or high side of the results, but still in the “normal range”. SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

Which of course leads me to looking up this shit and finding out all sorts of things … which, OF COURSE, has led me to look up every fucking illness in the world (for which I have 2 or more symptoms of ALL OF THEM!).

This has led me to believe that I am either A.) DYING!! or B.) I AM INSANE AND MAKING IT ALL UP!!

Okay, no. neither. Maybe? But I am really beginning to wonder just what the fuck. I mean, maybe it really is just all in my head? Not sure how your mind makes you poop blood, or can cause bulging in your stomach, or even make your bowels loop, or blood tests to be just a little bit off. But, maybe it can. Maybe I am just one giant basket case?

Seriously, it has been 4 months! Shouldn’t they have found SOMETHING already? ANYTHING? Not just “well, that’s a BIT off, but not serious”. I mean. NOTHING?

I am so close to losing my mind, I can FEEL the crack widening. I am honestly starting to think this is just bull and nothing is wrong with me. BUT WHY? HOW?

It doesn’t make sense and I am panicking, and I have 2 weeks to get back to work and he hasn’t even put in the referral for a specialist yet and how can I work if I keep falling down and have no brain and can’t be far from a toilet and feel like throwing up and and and …. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

See? Cracking!!

I have no idea what to do.

But, I have an appointment with the doc next Thursday, and a list of five thousand, three hundred, and one illness that I am SURE much be what I have. (Yes, I am kidding …. mostly)

It’s only 531. 😉 hahahahaha






This entry was posted in Anxiety, depression, General, Health, Life. Bookmark the permalink.

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