Sunbeams on dark days

I have always loved the sun. Even as a pig-tailed tomboy running around in the yard, catching bugs, tadpoles, and other icky things, I loved the sun. As a teenager, I would sun bathe for hours. Thing is, as I got older, and my health failed, my body stopped regulating its temperature properly, so now I catch my sun from afar. Usually windows, while being a pale hermit.

But sunbeams can come in many forms, not just from the sun. They can come from the smile of a stranger, a hug from a friend, a text asking “are you okay”. Well, today’s sunbeam was perfectly timed.

You see, I needed half of one of my pain killers yesterday, and needed a sleeping pill this morning. SO needless to say, my mood was a bit low, and my infamous klutziness is out in full force. Seriously, I could be walking in n open field with no building or trees for hundreds of miles, and I would find the one thing that I could trip over, or run into. shrugs I was a klutzy kid, and just as bad as an adult. Always made worse by my sleep – or lack thereof!

But today, I got a sunbeam in an unexpected way. A knock at the door. My husband’s CPAP machine! Tracking showed they hadn’t even received the package to ship it out! So I was assuming another week. So when the knock on the door happened, I stumbled my way to it, knocking many things off walls, and tables as I went. Bruising knuckles and shins, to see a nice man with a big smile.

My husband had JUST gone down for his nap. And even with his HORRIFIC sleep apnea (obstructive), he can fall asleep within nanoseconds of his head hitting the pillow. Honestly? it is REALLY creepy, and makes me a bit jealous. I can sleep any where, but it takes awhile. Not him, nope. He just closes his eyes and instantly snores. Hell, sometimes he doesn’t even have to close his eyes and he’s asleep!

I held the box, and stared at him for a bit, debating if I should wake him or not. As I watched his chest heave, and shutter, trying to get air, but not succeeding, my mind was made for me. I woke him as gentle as I could (he still has PTSD type reactions to being woken up from that job he had. And we set his machine up.

It has now been almost 2 hours, and not a single gasp for air, not a snort, moan, whimper, or other odd noise, has come from the bedroom. He hasn’t moved a muscle.

Thankfully I am married to the guy, or I am pretty sure the cops would be called. I will stand by the door and just watch him breath. His chest slowly moving up and down. No shuttering, no stopping, no desperation, or gasping for air. Just peaceful, normal chest falls. In, out. happy sigh in, out tears fall from my eyes Why am I crying?

He is so peaceful, he is breathing. He isn’t fighting any more. He is smiling.

I will always fight to get you what you need, and  now, you have it.

Sleep well my husband. You deserve it.

Now, if you will excuse me, apparently my allergies are very bad right now because my eyes will not stop leaking!


No need to talk about my day, because I got my

Sunbeams, in a darkened room!

This entry was posted in depression, Family, General, Health, Life. Bookmark the permalink.

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