As I have mentioned, more and more I suspect adhesions are my problem. I have a doctor’s appointment on Thursday, and admit, I feel both excited and scared about it. I m excited because I am pretty sure this IS my problem, and while painful, and long recovery (if it is as bad as I suspect – considering the effect it is having), there is a solution. I am scared because I don’t know if he will go along with my push for the surgery, or if he will want the specialist to see me first.
I have no idea if surgery is quicker than getting to see a specialist, I don’t even really know if it is the right direction to move in. What I do know is I can’t stand this any more. I can’t stand the daily pain, the bowel problems, the aches, and lack of sleep. Sure, I do have good days, but those just make the bad days feel so much worse.
Making supper tonight, something everyone takes for granted, was difficult and left me in pain. ALL I did was stand in front of the stove and melt things together, no real moving, no lifting, cutting, walking, or bending. Just standing. And my back feels like it is breaking, my stomach looks like I am 8 months pregnant, and my sides feel like I was jumped by 10 people all kicking and punching my sides. I am even sweaty, and we had cool weather and rain today. And that was just from 30 minutes of shopping, and 45 minutes of standing still. Imagine if I had to work? Cashiering, lifting, moving? I’d be on the floor in tears. Impossible.
As long as I don’t move, it is just a dull ache, nothing I need pain medication for it. But just standing up off the couch makes me cringe. Going to the bathroom? Bending? Or going from standing to sitting? I feel as if I am over 100 years old near my death.
I can NOT keep living like this. I can FEEL everything pulling and twisting.
I Don’t believe in prayers, they don’t work. But man, this is one time I wish thoughts and prayers COULD work! I’d ask the world to make doc agree to the surgery.
Think about it, So they put me under, and yeah there are risks to that, but it’s better than living with this. So they put me out, take a look. If it’s not adhesions, then either they can see what it might be, or they don’t but we know then that it IS something else and do more extensive tests. OR they find adhesions (or the problem) and they fix it, right then and there. BOOM.
Depending how bad it is, I know there can be HUGE risks, but all of them would have great rewards at the end (pain-free). And sure, recovery can be from 2 weeks in bed to almost 2 months. But it would mean PAIN FREE!
Sure, surgery can mean that the adhesions come back, but at least we would know THIS is my problem, and it can be solved that much quicker IF there is a next time.
Hell, even if I am wrong? And it isn’t adhesions? Then so be it. Then we know for sure, and maybe they can see what it is, or not, but we would still know for sure one more thing it isn’t.
Mentally? I am still fighting, and thankfully, recent events (see past post about friendship) have lifted me so high, that fighting isn’t so hard right now. I KNOW I can kick this in the ass, I have people backing me, who care!
And I will. I will kick this in the ass!