I try my best to never get my hopes up. At least not too much. I usually find you get less pain that way. But when it came to this doctor’s appointment, it had been so long since I’d had any hope. I felt I should let myself go a little. Sadly, I let my hopes get a bit too high.
I felt let down.
I am not sure that’s fair though. It’s not the doctor’s fault. And if I had gone into it with my usually “bah hum bug. Life sucks. I have no luck” sort of attitude, I would probably be quite happy right now. That’s not to say I don’t still think I have adhesions. I do think that. But, for now I will have to contend with the “I’m not sure. Let’s try this non-invasive way first” that this doctor wants. Wait, that’s not even telling you what happened. Let me jump back.
I showed up to the appointment almost 20 minutes early, as I almost always do, and was asked if I would mind waiting, as the doctor had to go back to the OR. I had no problem waiting.
It was only 25 minutes after my scheduled time, so it was no big deal. I got in and of course she went over my whole history. This is where I kick myself after the fact! I usually go over things like this in my head (over, and over, and over, and…) a few days before so I don’t forget any details, and it allows me to think of what the doctor (or who ever) will ask me, and how to word it so it is clear and concise, and explains exactly what I mean. Think is? I didn’t do that this time. I just had no energy or want to do it. And I fucked up. I didn’t explain how Yes, the heat bag works, but doesn’t take away the pain (she thought I meant the pain was gone when I used a heat bag), I didn’t portray how pushing or rubbing my belly on the upper left eases the pain, but isn’t the main problem area (I was doing that the whole time, as I was achy – she thought that was the main problem area). I didn’t explain the type of pain right. I just know I didn’t. I tried to clarify, I really did, but she just never quite “got it” I think she felt I was trying to steer her towards the answer I wanted?
But that wasn’t what I was doing. I just forgot to rehearse. But explaining that would have just made it that much worse.
So then it was time for the poking and prodding. Majority of the areas felt like bruises being pushed. Some day old, some a few days. Of course near my ovaries and in that are felt like knives. I embarrassingly slapped the wall on one push. When she poked and prodded in my vagina, I was having pain, but because she was poking and prodding the top area at same time, I of course said the top was worse. So she took that to mean the vagina wasn’t bad. Look, don’t get me wrong. She knew what she was doing, she seems very nice and very competent. I take complete blame on this. Instead of saying “that hurt” I was saying things like “That felt like a bruise”, or “That felt like a knife”. It was how I was raised. It’s how most doctor’s prefer things. What TYPE of pain, how bad, give descriptions they can relate to anyone, not just you. But, sometimes (and I never learned when) they prefer “ouch”, “that hurts”, and “That is painful”. It’s easier. And that’s what I should have done here. I have never learned how to read these things, and never know when to change the language.
After that, it was back in to the office part of the room (two rooms, but seem like one), and talked about her thoughts. She doesn’t think I have adhesions, and that the bowels are a separate thing from what she found (then explain how they started at same time after hysterectomy??), She thinks that the pain I am having near the left ovary is from “trigger points” in my abdominal muscle.
This means I go in next week, get stabbed with 3 needles in the main trigger spots, and have Lidocaine or Novocaine or some other caine injected. It will intensify the pain for about 5 minutes, letting us (HA! us, you mean ME!) know that we have the right spot, then IF “trigger spots” are my problem then the pain will go away for a short time.
See, here’s the thing. IF this works, great. Solves some of my issues. BUT, she seems to think that it can’t be adhesions because the pain is all over … Umm, I am no doctor. I didn’t spend eons studying, but I can read medical papers, and I can read medical sites, I can even talk to other doctors. And adhesions can spread! They can cause problems and pains EVERYWHERE. And if it’s not adhesions, then why do I have no obstructive obstructions of the bowels? And why to I have 2 loops in my bowels, that just showed up in CT scans and x-rays, but not in the colonoscopy?
Anyway, so that leaves me at this point of “NOW what?” So, what if this solves some of the pain, but not the bowels? And what if I AM right? and it’s adhesions, but they don’t fix it for years or whatever because this worked on some of it?
So, yeah, good news, it’s a step towards figuring me out, and easing some pain, and if it doesn’t work then maybe they will take a look for adhesions.
But, it’s bad because if it DOES work, it still leaves the biggest problem unsolved.