Random thoughts, and health update(s)

Bah, I have to be honest, I have no idea where this post will go. I really need to start making the titles after the post. But whatever, I try to use it as my guideline of where I want the post to head. Not that it works out that way. Besides, majority of time, these posts are just my way of emptying out the crap that is rattling around in my brain, trying to drive me even more insane than I already feel I am.

That said, on with the real post. Ya, long-winded, run on sentence, preamble. shrugs

OH! I should rename my blog from lonely thyroid to “brain dump”. Probably already taken.

So it’s been a hectic few weeks back at work. First two weeks, with 4 hour shifts, went fairly smoothly. Mainly just relearning codes, and interacting with customers, and policies and such. Helped I was on the smallest express till as well. Almost no real lifting. And very quick-moving so time flies. Everyone wants to be on that till. Which of course meant, me being me, I felt quite bad anytime I had to boot someone off the till.

The second week of course I got a nasty bug of some sort. I mean it was a give, really. Think about it, I was away from human contact practically the whole 6 months I was off work, so I wasn’t building immunity. Then there is the fact my immune system usually crashes for close to two months (sometimes longer) after any sort of surgery. I was guaranteed to get sick. Just how bad was the question.

Turned out to be fairly bad. It flared my asthma cough to epic portions. I did manage to continue to work. But it was not easy. And once I went to full-time, that meant the large tills as well. A large till means bigger (sometimes 2 or 3 carts full of groceries) orders, more lifting, bending, twisting of the body. Add to that the cough was bad enough that at times I was throwing up, or even forcing air and fecal matter out of my colon! Wasn’t pleasant. THANKFULLY never at work. Though I did need to use pee pads. But ya, at work I managed to (barely) keep the cough under just enough control that I could function without peeing or pooping myself! Just grossing customers out with possible germs flying through the air …

After I ended up feeling like I pulled muscles, or ripped something in my surgical area(s), AND farting blood/clots, I decided it was time for a day (and a half) off work, and see the doctor. Unfortunately it wasn’t MY doctor. It was the one I don’t like, who loves lectures, and withholding actual needed help.

Took me the whole appointment just to get my Prednisone prescription, and when I asked him about possible problems in the surgery sites, he said he didn’t think the cough could do it, though maybe? And he was SURE that it wasn’t work, after all, I don’t do much as a cashier …. no heavy lifting (dude, bags, of potatoes, sugar, grocery bags FULL of groceries, that aren’t always just crackers. Jugs of milk, and water bottles. PLUS there is the reaching for the groceries off the belt, placing them in the bags, lifting them on to the counter, or putting them in the buggies … Dick head? JUST “standing” at the till and “doing nothing” I get 3,400 PLUS steps, in a FOUR HOUR shift … imagine an eight-hour. Asshole. But, cashiers don’t do much. FUCK that STILL pisses me off.

So, ya. That doctor didn’t even check me over, or poke at my surgical areas, nothing. Just said keep an eye on it. And walked me out of the room. No error interpreting that. He stood up, gestured to door, I had no choice. GET OUT.

I miss my doctor when he isn’t there. sigh

Anyway, so I was back at work Thursday, and today. Some interesting things, maybe for another day? Or later in the post. But some people said I was missed, some in a tone that made me feel as if maybe they felt I shouldn’t have called in sick. Others in a tone that made me feel cared for. So who knows. Also felt like some were giving me the cold shoulder? I have NO CLUE why? Yeah, I went home in pain, yes, I called in sick the next day. BUT, for TWO DAYS, after that, I worked the big tills, I pulled my weight ALL WHILE IN PAIN! Yeah, okay. I had help from Percocet (JUST HALF! or I’d be WAY to loopy!), But I made sure to let the head boos know, and assured him it would not affect my work. So fuck knows why some seemed upset with me?  Well, I know that it is hard as hell when a cashier is missing, but it felt personal. 😦

I am feeling a bit better today. The sharp pains are still there, but the pulled feeling is fading. But the cough is about 80% under control now, so it isn’t affecting my muscles as badly. The Prednisone is working. It also allows me to actually cough up the crap in my lungs when I do cough. Which makes it less forceful and painful, and makes it more productive and easing of pain. (I think that makes sense? I feel less pained and pukey, and feel more relaxed, and able to cough)

I MIGHT need a Percocet tonight for sleep? again, just half. Not for the stabbing pull in the side, but the sharp pains in my surgical areas, while not super intense, do not respond to any other medication, not even Tylenol and Advil together, and it is just painful enough to prevent sleep. Sort of an internal sunburn kind of feeling?


I am trying my damnedest to push the paranoia away. I really am. I am SURE that the looks and tones are just my imagination. Maybe. I don’t know. But if it is, this mood will certainly make me see/feel things that aren’t accurate.

I just … I don’t know. Even people on-line I interact with seem distant? BUT, I know I do NOT always see posts on Facebook. Actually, Facebook hides a LOT from me. A LOT!! I have even had it delete posts, not with warnings or anything, pretty sure just glitches. So maybe that’s all it is? Maybe Facebook is just being a jerk and hiding my posts from those that usually notice and comment?

Or, maybe I am just being a paranoid freak. Or people actually are just so sick of me they just want me to go away.


(I vote the last one. But that’s just my mood right now.)


Well, I think I will go kill monsters in Diablo for a while. Maybe that will make me feel better?

This entry was posted in Anxiety, depression, General, Health, Life. Bookmark the permalink.

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