Health and what not

I have no clue what I have updated on, and what I haven’t. I also can’t remember where I have updated. So, this will be a recap/update. I will TRY to keep it brief, as I need to get to bed.

When I last saw doc, we decided I should try a stool softener, as we suspect the pain in my side, ribs/chest, and back might be from the waste coming out of my stomach already blocked up and hard. I had been on it about 3, maybe 4 days when I began to get flu-like symptoms; aches in neck, shoulders, headaches, and dizzy spells. I was also getting diarrhea. So, I quit taking the stool softener and began taking flu/cold medicine.

Here’s the interesting part. For those 3 or 4 days where I felt like I had the flu? I also had no pain in my side or back (still the odd pain in chest – MAYBE one sharp stab every few days – but not ribs). NOW, 3 days after stopping the softener, the twinges have started, I am “backed up”, and just general bowel issues. BUT, the flu symptoms are mostly gone.

Thing is, stool softeners take water from your body to make the stool softer. I am already someone prone to dehydration (mild), and serious dehydration (which can get VERY serious) can mimic flu symptoms. head meet desk – repeat. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. I am now going to try the softeners again, BUT, I am going to be much more diligent with the water intake, and if I get “the flu” again, I will also add something like Gatorade or something similar to up my electrolytes and stuff. I just HAVE to figure out the right combination.

The good news, is I had 4 days pain-free (well, 2 truly pain-free – 2 easing of pain), so if this IS the way to go, I know it is an easy solution, just a matter of following through with the water intake! I CAN WILL do this!

 

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Update(s)

Saw doc today. Not concerned at all about my “dehydration”. I just need to be vigilant with my water intake and lotions. Not super concerned about my surgery are pain, “Well, you went back to work quickly. It’s going to be awhile.” The way he said awhile, combined with what we talked about last time, I could be looking around January or February (maybe longer) before that is completely gone. PLUS if we can figure out just what is going on with my bowels, it might help ease that as well.

Now, as for my bowel. Scheduling is one issue (as in, my bowels don’t WANT or HAVE a set time frame for going). He seemed puzzled by that. Not like he’d never heard of it, but just with my other symptoms, I think? So for now, we are going to try “out of the box” stuff. Nothing extremely, more like the edge of the box. hehe

This time, we are going to try a softener. Even though 99.9999% of the time what is in the toilet is akin to oatmeal with a dash of extra water, he thinks it might be coming out of the stomach dry. WHICH, when I think about my symptoms with OUT the adhesion pain, it makes sense.

If that doesn’t seem to work, or goes the opposite way we want, then we will look at motility of the bowel. If it is moving to slowly (which we’ve wondered before, and I am pretty sure is a big factor), then we will try medication to speed things up. Right now, he suspects that the motility problem might be from having the fecal matter coming out so hard and dry from the stomach. Which, if it does what we hope it does, the softener should solve that.

I am very hopeful right now. We have taken one problem out of the equation (the adhesions), and can now figure out why my bowels hate movement, all meanings of the word (it itself has poor motility, and my physically moving – work, walking … MOVING – is causing problems). The physical movement pain could just be from all mentioned above. So here’s hoping the softener is a miracle. (NO ONE tell Mom she was right if this works. I’ll NEVER EVER hear the end of it!!)

THANKFULLY he did NOT seem mad or upset I needed my Percocet for more days than I like. Yes, I did “forget” to mention 2 of the days I took an extra half. BUT, I was honest about needing it for 4 of the days last week, and 2 (of 3) this week. Plus, I told him that I add one extra plain extra strength Tylenol with it when really bad (to avoid taking a full Percocet). And he reassured me that was fine. WHEW! I was a bit concerned about that.

Yep, overall, it was a good visit, and I feel good about it. Oh, sure, I will probably whine, or feel low if I get a bad week or two like I had. But honestly, in the long run, I think my spirits will stay positive with this. The fact we know it is NOT cancer, or other “big issue” is helpful. Not even IBS. I AM kicking myself for not asking him about testing for food allergies (reaction to a wintergreen candy – long story), that’s small stuff for now, as I don’t get any major issues.

Now, just need to figure out my sleep pattern, and work on my health (and smoking), and I will be damned near human! 😉

I will say this again (and MANY more times in the future) – IT PAYS TO ADVOCATE AND FIGHT FOR YOUR HEALTH (or families health). Again, stand up for your health, demand solutions, if you know your body, if you know something is wrong*, and ESPECIALLY if you have a doctor who agrees, FIGHT for what you need to fix the problem.

*BY THE WAY I do NOT mean you think you might have an issue, read some horrific health thing on-line that matches some of your problems and go SCREAMING for tests for it. PLEASE be reasonable and responsible with your assertiveness in your health. SO many doctors HATE patients who start discussions with “I saw on-line …” BUT, if you do it right, your doctor can come to enjoy your information. I was lucky enough to have a doctor who works WITH me, and when I say “I looked up XYZ on-line, and this is what I was wondering ….”, we sit down and talk about it. I have the information with me, the reasons I think it MIGHT be that issue, and he breaks it down for me as to why it may, or may NOT be that thing.

It is why, when he suggests a softener even though my stool is ALREADY very soft, I LISTEN, and try he’s possible solution.

We are a team.

 

Also, I am VERY, VERY glad to have a family that sticks by me, and friends that support me (even when they are sick of me, even when I feel completely and utterly alone.

“Always Keep Fighting was very much my mantra during most, if not all, of my health.

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Sorry Doc!

I.

I don’t know where to start this post. I don’t know what to say.

I just need to vent, to work through what is going on in my head. What I am going through with my health.

Look, I honestly have no fucking CLUE what’s going on. I don’t know if what is going on is a new problem, the same old shit (pun intended), or a secondary issue that was untreated because of the main problem over-shadowing it. I haven’t got the foggiest.

But here is what I DO know. I know I was 100% pain-free (including surgical pain – VERY minor) after surgery, including the two weeks of reduced hours and work load. I also know, that within one week of going full-time, full duties the pain started up again, and so did the bowel issues.

Now, does that mean WORK is causing the problems? OR. Is it a coincidence? I would take a wild stab that is it purely coincidence. But I am no doctor. But I do think work is adding to the problem. And so, probably, is the pain-killer.

What is happening, is very similar as before. Difficulty going, but when I do, it is not “regular”. I do NOT have “labour pains” as often, but have the last two times I’ve gone (haven’t mentioned it to the hubby yet, as his anxiety would kick into overdrive, and he is still in a depression – even if he doesn’t want to own it), and I have now had three BM’s since surgery, that have had blood in them. Just now was one of them.

It does feel different than it was before the surgery. It is less …. labour pain, more period cramping. I also have observed that it is worse for about a week, once a month. Now, that could imply that the microscopic endometriosis IS in the bowel lining, which means they can not see it, and biopsies rarely find it, OR it could just be my hormones going wacky because I have no uterus, and am down to one ovary. Or maybe my thyroid is fucking up again.

I don’t know! I am grasping at straws for some sort of explanation, while having a panic attack that it is back, all while trying to force myself to stay at work, keep a brave face on for the family, and NOT lose my mind, lose friends, and jump off the tallest tree I can find!!! (that last part is a poor taste joke in an attempt to highlight how freaked I am trying NOT to be. I SUCK at jokes)

Look, I know I have lost friends, or alienated the few I have with my constant whining, and bitching. And I don’t blame them. I am severely sad about that, as I am a social outcast that can’t make friends worth a damn. But, it is what it is.

That is why I am posting here instead. From now on, no matter WHO asks me, I am “fine”, “okay”, “Same old”, or “great”. EVEN if any one asks me specifically about my pain or health (other than doc), I will not say a thing. I will just tell them I am fine, and if pressed, just tell them that I would rather not talk about it.

As much as I HATE taking the pain-killer, if I have to, I will. I will do whatever I have to in order to stay at work through this whole thing. And honestly? Even if I am dying (I’m not), I will just smile, take a pill, and keep moving forward. And from now on? Not a single person will hear a fucking SOUND out of me about my pain. Not even my family.

Fuck it. I can’t keep talking about this. I can’t keep annoying people.

I see doc on the second. Depending on what he says, and what he and I decide on how to proceed with work and the whole bowel problem, I will only talk about it one last time. I will go in to work, talk to the big boss privately, explain what doc and I decided, and maybe work out some sort of compromise or longer hours, but more breaks … I don’t know. Something. I have to explain to him that I am having a VERY hard time with it, but that I can NOT lose my job, or leave it, or even reduce my hours. I can’t afford it. Not even a penny.

I don’t even know if I will post here any more. I might, just because I am pretty sure I will have to vent to some degree or I will implode in a horrible way. Perhaps I will just make the blog post private or something. Has a similar effect, but without pissing people off, or making them roll their eyes.

Whatever, I have no clue right now. Hell, if I manage any sleep, maybe I’ll feel different. Probably just the pain talking (I REFUSE to take ANY pills when not at work. Work I NEED to be sort of okay!)

I really hate this whole thing of JUST one day off. I can’t even sleep in today, or I won’t sleep well tonight, and I have to be up by 7 am Sunday.

I love my job, I just don’t like the scheduling.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go get my heat bag glowing, and curl up in bed all while trying not to wake hubby with my grunts of pain.

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Health, TMI | Leave a comment

A WTF bowel update – TMI!!

Turn away now. Honestly, if you don’t want to hear about colour, smell, or consistency of poop, you have stumbled on to the WRONG blog, especially THIS particular post.

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Filler space for Facebook, since it tends to post large-sized previews, ignoring spaces, and enters.

Everyone who doesn’t want to read this gone? okay, for you poor brave souls that stuck around? I’m not sorry for this post, just sorry you chose to read it!

Okay, so I have been having bowel, inside issues ever since I returned to work. And frankly, I have no idea what to make of it all. The 4 (approximately) weeks I had off after the surgery to remove the adhesions (and left ovary because of the adhesions), was amazing. I was completely pain-free (minus the surgical pain), and had begun to have regular people (what is class as typically healthy) bowel movements. They were text-book perfect. solid, but soft enough to pass easily, no pain, normal amount of mucous that is rarely seen, no blood, no lining, perfectly formed, little to no “weird” odour, and happening every day, or every second day. Normal. Sure, I admit, I still had MY “regular” BMs (minus the pain) maybe once a week? if that? But I still had swollen insides from the surgery, it was to be expected. I just needed to learn my signal on when to go.

Then I started work.

That’s when trouble slowly ramped up. The first 2 weeks wasn’t bad. But, while I was working 5 days a week, I was only working 4 hour shifts. Sure, my feet and back hurt, but the surgical site was no more painful or inflamed than when at home recovering. But the fecal matter changed. It started slowly, with becoming more and more only every few days, and a bit looser. Until just a week or two ago, when it was every time was like before surgery. Including one that had the “need to push” much like labour. Still no horrific “kill me now” pain. Just gross. For the last 3 weeks, the pain started to come back in my stomach, left side, and under left lower ribs. It was spasming, cramping, and felt twisted. about a fourth of what it was, but still, NOT fun when at work, and when Advil, Tylenol, and Aleve won’t touch the pain, even when the Advil and Tylenol combined. It even began to feel like a baby moving inside when not working, but out shopping, or walking. And the last week, the swelling wouldn’t go away until HOURS after a BM.

Last weekend, I felt backed up, constipated even. Or so I thought. I had horrific mid left back pain, not so bad I couldn’t walk, but bad enough I was worried about a hospital visit (at it’s worse. It ramped up over the course of the week). So, I began the fiber about day 3, and the laxative about day 4? maybe 5th day. (it was the 1st day off work) I had been having BMs the whole time, with just a 3 day no-go at beginning of work week, but went every day after. Not a lot, but enough I shouldn’t have been THAT backed up to have that kind of pain. But, the day I decided to start the laxative, I had only gone a tiny bit, and the pain ramped up to its maximum level (for that point). The laxative didn’t change much, but did seem to take the pain away?

Then today happened. For about 3 days that “baby movement” spasms had been happening full-time. No major pain, just annoying. Went last night, a lot, but felt the need from the moment I woke today. So when I finally went, I was expecting some pain, and possible mucous. But that didn’t really happen. What did happen was an odd odor, fair amount of mucous, but not a huge amount, and some weird “thing”. It was approximately 2 inches long, about half an inch wide. It was pale brownish-yellow, and oval in shape. The ends were rounded. It was perfectly shaped, like some sort of manufactured horse pill. It wasn’t floating, but was buoyant, and had some of the fecal matter stuck to it. Sort of freaked me out. Was it a plug of some sort? Was it something caused by, or part of, one of the surgeries I had? My bowels felt very tight after, still do. But little cramping, and seem calmer.

Could THAT … THING, have been the problem this WHOLE time? Or is it a sign of something more? Or is it just a by-product of something? Can I make diamonds in my colon? WHAT THE FUCK??

Yes, I am disgusting (well, even more than just posting about it), I took a picture. JUST to show my doctor.

Oh, and when I flushed, I didn’t see another, but there MIGHT have been some trace blood in the fecal matter? AND, maybe … hair? or it looked kind of like that?

MAN I hope doc can give me answers.

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Doctor’s appointment

This is really just more for me, but feel free to read on, see just how much of a basket case I am.

I need to keep track of just what I need to talk to doc about. Prioritize. So I may update this post as the appointment gets closer.

  1. Note about not working left-handed, backwards till. Due to nerve damage.

  2. WHY am I still getting pain? IS it because I went back to soon? Something new? Actual IBD? Can we see if loop in bowel still there? ARGH! HELP.

  3. Talk to him about fears of this pain. Fears about work hours and what it’s doing to me, how it adds to pain. And how 3 days seems to be the threshold of when the pain becomes bad. Of how the bowel movements aren’t regular because of all this, and the stress.

  4. Pain killer? How Percocet seems to be the only thing that takes the pain away. I only need half a pill once a day 2 – 3 days, while working. Rarely at home, as heat bag, or just doing nothing eases the pain.

  5. Solutions? Ideas? The stupid diet seems to make it worse? Even though it is just eliminating things?

I just want it to stop. It really IS so much better. But it isn’t gone.

Now, I sleep.

Sometimes I just need to empty my brain first.

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