Creative spark [DOC UPDATED – THIRD TIME]

I’ve decided to have this post, and attached document, as a place to put my random creative thoughts. I am hoping that but posting this it may spark my creative a bit more. force me outside my comfort zone, and allow my ideas a chance to untangle from the depths of my brain where things go to die.

I’ll just update the document from time to time with my stuff, maybe? I really do suck at follow through.

I’m not directly asking for any feedback, I am not doing it for that, but if you feel you want to give feedback, please do so gentle as this is a very fragile thing right now. I’d hate to lose any forward momentum just because of some criticism. Maybe one day I will be able to handle more than that?

Now, that’s not to say I can’t handle some! I’m not that bad. (I hope?) just nothing to picky or …. well nothing like “oh, that sucked! no plot or flow, and the spelling was worse than my dogs. And don’t even get me STARTED on the grammar!” or “Oh my god? You call THAT a drawing? I saw a better face in the patterns of rain on the sidewalk”

THAT would kill me!

Something like “Hey. Cool, nice start there. Some polish on that and it has a chance.” Or “Just curious if you meant there or their in the 4th sentence? I wasn’t sure of the direction depending on the word”, hell even if you said “Might have missed it, but noticed the nose was upside down on that last drawing, Is that intended?”

Those I (think?) I could handle. ūüėČ

Yes, I am a baby! But the spark needs a breeze, not a downpour.

 

Besides, I am hoping that nurturing my creativity will be the tools I need to fight any depression, or hum drums, or whatever. shrugs

Hell, maybe if I ever get any money I’ll even take singing lessons, see if I can’t get my singing voice back? (Maybe not …)

Creative Snippets – 73116

[UPDATE]

Decided I would just upload my updated documents as a whole new link. Sort of a “progress” view for myself, and on the odd chance anyone wanted to see any differences?

Creative Snippets – 81416

[UPDATE – 2]

Creative Snippets – 82316

[UPDATE – 3]

******

In a land far, far away, there lived people I knew very little about. These people had lives, and loves, that were much like my own. Yet I envied them, much as they surely envied me.

Neither people knew of the envy the other held. They assumed that each were suffering worse lives than the other. They tried to imagine that the other people were like them, but as is the nature of the human heart, they tended to be self absorbed and could not imagine someone having a life worse than their own.

Those that had travelled, and visited these other people knew the truth. Knew that other people in far away places also suffered, and in some cases much worse fates. They would come back to their lands and try to tell their people how others were just like them. How some had it easy, and some worse. But because they had not seen it for themselves, they dismissed these claims as falsehoods meant to take them from their own worries, and use what little resources they had for people they were sure had it better.

One day, one of the leaders had enough. He was so sure the other lands had it better he chose to arm his people, trained them to fight, and kill. He led them to battle these other lands.

Since both sides had thought the same thought, they met in the middle, both sides thinking that surely they were right, as the other side had weapons and knew how to fight. They must be better off.

The few who saw the darkness of those thoughts and actions left both sides, to be called traitor and enemy. Those that reminded to fight grew more darkness and hatered in their hearts. They taught the next generations their hatered.

Each generation would produce a few traitors who would leave their lands. They would travel many years to the outliers and find others of their own heart.

Unfortunately it was not enough. Because as traitors left to join them, they had those in their own ranks through the generations who would leave to be with those that had hate in their hearts. They grew in numbers, but not quickly enough. After thousands of years, the haters over ran their planet, and the planet died.

This continues to happen on other planets, only a few over come. Only a tiny percentage manages to spread kindness and caring above the hate before the planet dies.

Will this planet be one of those small few?
Will the traitors and enemy be louder than the haters?
Who will step up to spread the love and save this planet?

*******

She stood in front of the window. All the lights off, watching the large fluffy flakes fall rapidly from the sky. They sparkled like gems in the street lights. The tree branches grew white and heavy, dipping lower to the ground, as if they wished to be part of it.

As the snow continued to fall damping the sounds of the world, one branch, then another got their wish and would fall to the ground with a dull thud. Leaving behind for just a moment, a brown scar across the white blanket. But as quickly as the scars appeared, it would be covered up, the only evidence it was there the small depression in the blanket. But in time, even that too would disappear.

She gave a little snort, thinking back to when her mother, or maybe it was her father or some other random person, told her how it was a metaphor for life. Maybe it was, mistakes can be fixed, or be hidden, but much like the spring thaw, things tend to always have a way to show back up, looking more decayed and slimey than when it happened. All because it was covered up.

Tomorrow was ‘his’ trial. Would ‘his’ past actions be turned to the light? Would they look more decayed and slimey than when it happened? Or would he once again come out looking like the snow drops and crocuses that pop out of the decay?

She started to shake things about being in front of yet another jury, reliving the horror she felt so many years ago. How can they see his memories as so accurate, yet veiw all of Thiers as if they were stupid women who couldn’t keep a thought longer than a gnats life?

She turned from the window, wondering when this nightmare would end. When would she be able to look at snow, or anything, with out it coming back to ‘him’.

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What the hell is wrong with me?

The title says it all.

Look, in the grand scheme that is the universe and life? Nothing is wrong with majority of people. We are just who we are.

But in the short-term that is our span in this cosmic ride? We change, we grow, and sometimes we just do NOT feel like ourselves. And yes. Something can be wrong.

I honestly don’t even know where to begin. Hell, I don’t even know if there is a beginning, end, or middle to my story. Logic tells me that of course there is, but in the moment, my brain convinces me otherwise.

You see, my pain is changing, getting worse, yet oddly in some ways, easier to deal with? Very hard to explain. But the change brings relief to areas that “couldn’t even” for so long, so to have less pain those areas bring a slight improvement. Problem is, the new pain is more intense and sporadic. Plus other body parts have shown up to the party, and pretty soon it’s going to be a house party out of control where the house burns down. In this case, my body is the house.

But that’s not what I wanted to really talk about right now. That is just sort of a foundation for what is going on now. Well that’s my theory at least.

Lately I can’t seem to control my emotions. The antidepressant has helped me in so many ways; things aren’t so bleak, I can feel more, and a general sense of being okay with myself.

The enormous but in that fact, is that I think it may have uncorked all my repressed stuff? And truly, I don’t like this. I feel all over the map. Now, it could theoretically be menopause too. But I am holding off on that thought. Simply because this feels more like a cracking mind. And my mood swings are usually worse when my pain is worse or my sleep hasn’t been the best.

I keep it together so much at work, and try to hold it together all the time. I don’t allow myself to feel worried, scared, or even hope really. All those feelings just get you into trouble. Especially when I have two boys guys others men who tend to be polar opposites yet keep things bottled up even more than I do. At least I open up here, or even with them if it gets bad. They won’t say boo, let alone what’s bugging them.

Then everyone wonders why I am cracking?

I don’t feel manic or anything that drastic. But I do hate how I can go from pain to “wish I could murder” in less than a second. Or from feeling exhausted to a sniveling, teary, “poor me” mess. As someone who prides myself of being a very emotionally level person? This is tied with my pain for top scary/concerning spot.

I do have menopause on my list of suspects for this cause. But since I don’t seem to have any other (NEW) symptoms, besides these mood swings, I suspect either the antidepressant, or just the stress. If the antidepressant is doing what I think, and allowing me to feel again. Then the pressure built up for over 20 years of pushing everything down and jumping on it, while trying to be the rock and sounding board for everyone else? Yeah it is bound to try to escape.

I just don’t like it.

No. Not one tiny bit.

Take me back to cold-hearted bitch who only cries for animals, thank-you very much!

Another reason I suspect the antidepressant, the effects are lessened by evening. I think? Though that could be just because the whole house even animals go into shut down mode? So less … anything, to set me off?

Whatever.

I just hate this.

So much anger. So much hate. Mostly for myself, lots for whatever is wrong with my insides, and some for my family … because I love them too much. (Take it however you want. It probably means all of them)

No clue if or when I will actually make this public. Maybe never. For now it is just me venting to myself. It’s how I work through things. By “thinking out loud” in the void.

Wonder what doc would say? If I tell him. First I want to get everything else fixed. Grr

 

And, of course, I will plug my GoFundMe. Still need to try to pay off bills, and maybe plan for some sick time. (Can feel this all building to something, sort of like last year)

Posted in Anxiety, depression, General, Health, Life | 2 Comments

A life in shambles makes art

No CLUE what my title means, but it jumped to my brain so fast my eyes spun. And I really like it, it seems to fit my life right now, so I’ll stick with the title.

So, lots going on, yet not much. I’m at that point where if a co-worker asked me how I was, and what’s going on, I’d reply with oh, I’m just fine, and not much. But in reality, it feels like I am a chicken with its head cut off, and I’m not doing well.

Weird saying, “Chicken with its head cut off”. I mean it conveys nothing, as you really can’t be that, yet conveys so much because you can instantly picture it. But really think about it. It fits most situations when you’d use that phrase, but probably not in the way most of us would think. A chicken is essentially dead when you cut its head off, the body just doesn’t know it. And of course, without a brain, the body doesn’t have a clue what it’s doing or where it’s going. It just keeps running willy nilly until it finally gives out.

So yeah. I am that chicken, or maybe the head? I can’t decide. What I know, is that so long as every piece falls into place when it is supposed to, we are actually really good money wise. IF you don’t count the collection agency that is being a real jerk.

My Dad lent us $3000, and (if he remembers) he will be lending us another $2000 start of next month. Which takes care of our … we’ll call it rent, issue, and allows us to get paid for last month, and hopefully this month? AND it is helpful in allowing us to pay our own bills. Unfortunately that still leaves that collection bill, and loans and … and … screams

Just too many things. That alone I could maybe just keep calm, and move through it one step at a time. But then there is work and not getting the accommodation thing yet, still being on till and in pain daily. And the pain, I may have mentioned the pain. Not having a diagnoses also sort of throws a wrench into it all.

And now, hubby.

My husband was feeling some really nasty pain in his groin and belly the other night. To the point of tears. It seemed very much like a UTI, but when he mentioned his back was achy, I wondered if it could be a kidney stone. He HATES hospitals. I mean hates. More than I hate spiders, earwigs, or liver. He hates it more than I hate my internal issues. (he has a phobia, we know why) SO. When he came to me and asked me to take him to the hospital? I knew it had to be bad.

Now, hospital said it could be a UTI, so are treating it, BUT they also told him it is a very strong (as in most certainly – 95%) possibility that he has diabetes. So, ya.

Considering my husbands anxiety, depression, and general sense of how his brain works? It went past overdrive and warp, and went straight to plaid. Of course I started my work week that next day, and that meant leaving the hubby home a prisoner to his mind. It killed me. (he seems to be pulling out of it? Unfortunately, he is doing so by using denial …)

I don’t know. right now I just can’t seem to figure out what is up, down, or backwards. It’s all just a jumble. But here’s the thing. My logically calm side of the brain is trying it’s best to tell me it’s fine. Usually I can listen to that. But I am struggling to believe it.

It’s more a worry thing over hubby. And the kid. I just SO BADLY want my family to eat properly and be healthy and happy. I can’t seem to be, so they should be able to!

I do feel bad for hubby though, he finally kicks his cola habit last fall, lost around 100 pounds, by switching to clear pop and iced tea (still too much). THEN, just recently decided to start cutting back on that (since he’d kicked the cola habit). JUST to find out “it’s too late. Damage is done”.

sigh

Let’s face it, this has NOTHING to do with me. This is about me stressing for my family.

okay, stopping this post here. It SO went a completely different way than I had planned, and I keep falling asleep mid word. (took me almost 2 hours to write this post!) I honestly do not feel quite as crazy as this post implies. Hell, states out right. I just have moments of chaos, especially after work and the complete and utter noise levels from work. Jumbles my brain.

Oh, and just because why not … PLEASE donate, share, spread the word!! I am poor and need money! PRETTY PLEASE!!

https://www.gofundme.com/helpsusanbreathe

Posted in Family, General, Health, Life, Money | Leave a comment

Self promoting

I have no clue what I am doing with this GoFundMe campaign. I am not one to call attention to myself, look for the spotlight, or even recognition in anything! I don’t know what I am doing. When I get those things, I feel … I feel, dirty some how. NO … no no no. That’s not what I mean, not dirty. I really don’t know how to explain it. I suppose it is a milder form of shame? All I know is it is embarrassing, and I HATE having people look at me or even notice.

But here’s the kicker! If someone else gets credit for MY stuff, or gets acknowledgement, and I don’t? Yeah, the first one just pisses me right off! (depending how it’s done) I may not want the spot light. But I sure as hell do not want anyone else to get credit for MY stuff! As for the second one, that is more jealousy that they can handle it and I can’t. I WISH I could accept praise, or acknowledgment. It was THE biggest reason I never pursued singer or acting as a career choice, even though I loved both, and was pretty good at singing (NOT at all now), I guess I was okay at acting? No one booed. LOL And I got A’s every time (but high school is so different).

Anyway, back to this campaign thing and my issues with it.

See, I probably would have been fine if I had no donations, or even just one or two. But FIVE? I am freaking out. I know one reason is I got my hopes up now that maybe, just maybe I can make even a quarter of my goal, and that would be a HUGE help alone! Another reason I am freaking out, is NOW I am second guess everything about the campaign – the title (LAME), the image (way to generic), hell, I am even wonder if I said too much or not enough, or the wrong thing in the description part!

But the biggest panic inducing part? Trying to promote it! HOW do I do that without feeling like I am betraying my strength, pride, and self-worth (not that I have a lot these days, but it’s there).

On the one hand, I want (actually NEED) to raise at least part of the money ($5000 would be enough I could probably get most of the rest over time. depending on the boss/landlord accepting my payment deal for back rent – which he sort of wants in 2 payments this year! EEK NO WAY can I. ONLY if I get 3/4 of my goal could I do that!).

On the other hand, Self promoting feels so wrong. Like bragging, or attention seeking, or begging. Just feels so unnatural for me. It’s probably why I am not in a sales type job. Though, I admit, I am the best in our store for raising money during our one promotion. It’s all in the wording.

WHICH brings me to the title again, and the description and picture. I KNOW it is all wrong. When I did this I just threw it together thinking that even if I only got a few bucks it’s be enough for one meal, or gas to get to work, or something else small like that.

Yes, I know, 5 donations in 2 (3?) days is barely anything, but it gave me hope. And hope is BAD. VERY VERY BAD!! It hurts you when things fail. and they almost ALWAYS fail …

 

oh GOD WHY DID I DO THIS

slap out of no where HEY!

meekly spoken thanks, I was a bit out of control there.

But as I was saying, this is adding stress to my already stressed out life.

BUT, hey. Let’s face it. I have pulled it together before, I have carried universes on my shoulders! What is one more? Pftt a drop in the bucket.

But I do need help, advice, suggestions, ANYTHING about the type of image I should use. I thought one of us as a family, but if I EVER posted on of kiddo? He’d more than likely ACTUALLY kill me! (ok, not literally? But, it would not a be a good thing. Though, Grandma and Grandpa could afford to feed him more than we can. haha oh. Another idea was me and hubby, but He’s not overly excited about being involved in this. But really, the only one I could think of that might work would be just me, or me and my cat who needs the meds. But neither of us really like the camera all that much.

So then on to the title. “Help Susan remove debt. I mean, really. Not great. That SCREAMS out as someone just looking for someone else to bail me out of my own problems that I made. And any time I try to incorporate my illness, I blank. Just glaze over. How do I spin an illness if I don’t even have a diagnoses? And to top that off, I am working, so … um hello? can’t be THAT sick. Right?

See my problem here?

To be true to me, I feel I must be honest. No “playing up” issues for sympathy shudder just to get money. I may not add ALL my debts in the campaign. BUT, I also didn’t add those amounts to the goal. See? No guilty conscience.

So, if I am doing that? How do I grab the sympathy? How do I get strangers from around the world to donate? HOW do I get my campaign out there? I am NOT wanting viral. Oh HELL NO. But 5 steps down from that would be ok. Say, not really the popular kid, but someone the popular kids parents know because they know my parents through some group they are in together.

Ya, I could handle THAT.

AGAIN, how do I get there?

I need a crash course in self promoting, and wording. FAST.

For now though, I will keep posting to twitter and Facebook (daily for a week, then weekly? I REALLY don’t want to be one of “those people” who spam their friends until they are forced to block, mute, or un-friend! I have too few to be able to afford that.

Oh. Right. and of course … GoFundMe please? Or share!

 

Posted in Anxiety, Creativity, Family, General, Life, Money | Leave a comment

ALL the feels

Been awhile (what? a day? a week! oops. ūüėČ ) , but I am here to fix that.

Gather around everyone, Auntie Susan has a story for you. This story is one of intrigue, and action. It has spies and violence, mystery and mayhem … breaks down laughing ya, sorry. I couldn’t help myself. I do have a story, but it is a story that hundreds, thousands, if not millions of people experience every day. It is not exciting, in fact, it could be called boring. Just not to those who are living it.

This story is about debt. Debt is just too fucking hard to get into. Banks, credit cards, even business almost live for it, thrive on keeping people in debt. I truly can’t for the life of me see how that benefits them, but it’s what happens. One wrong move, and those of us that have a perfect balancing act of debt going on, keeping the debt flying high above our heads, and boom. it all crashes down.

I recommend reading my previous post¬†for the actual story. But there is something I did NOT mention before. Very few (if any one) actual know this. I keep it quiet mostly because I feel extreme rage at myself, and deep shame. You see, while I was sick, we borrowed from rents. We ALWAYS paid it back. It would some times take a month or two. But ALWAYS. And never very much. Well, when I was sick again this past January and February, we did it again. It was to be paid back last month. But our landlord/boss didn’t pay us and has gone radio silence to all emails. It sent me into panic mode.

Then, just as I had what I THOUGHT might be a plan worked out – keep in mind EVERYTHING hinges on him actually still paying us for last month AND this month – I find out the credit card that I was making payments on (less than minimum, but an okay amount) went to collections, then when husband was checking out a sequel on the car, we found out it is going to need a new axle some point this year. Top that off with a disconnect notice from the city (our power supplier) for TOMORROW … You can imagine the melt down my brain went through.

After some time, I did manage to pull myself together, and after an amazing friend made the suggestion of GoFundMe, I really had to stop my spiral. So, I talked it over with the kid*, he despised the idea almost as much as I first did, and for similar reasons. I was raised that you NEVER, EVER ask anyone for any help, and God strike you dead if you dare share problems with a doctor, or therapist etc (we are talking mental problems or family issues etc). I had vowed long ago I would not to that to any children I had. I would let them grow up with their own minds, and let them form their own views of the world. BOY was I naive. Holy shit, was I a dumb assed kid. You really do have to teach them things. Though, as a proud boastful mom, my boy is hella smart! Unfortunately those smarts came with a learning disability that made getting the knowledge from one side of the brain, to the side that is responsible for written out put, was near impossible.

Oops, sorry, went off on a major side road there. For the rest about my son, and our close relationship check out this past post about his story (NEVER tell him I told you guys about him. EXTREMELY private guy), and check out this post about his heart!

Back to the main road …

Well, after thinking on it all night, and having not-quite-nightmares about it, I woke up this morning deciding that I needed to stow my pride and upbringing, bite the bullet (and other horrific clichés), and start a GoFundMe. I shook, and got teary, but I made it through the setup, and posted it very timidly on my Facebook to a teeny select few.

What? Don’t look at the screen that way, I get that a fund-raiser is supposed to reach a large audience, and if anyone shares it, it will eventually get out to those I hadn’t shown it to. No, I knew that. I get that. But, you don’t understand! It was hard enough to ask those trust few for help. I just couldn’t do it in the first go, I could NOT ask everyone (I make it sound like lots, I have what? 35 friended? maybe just 25? LOL)

So anyway. That brings me to right here, where I planned to start this story. How my day went down after the page went live. I hadn’t planned on the whole brain dump above. Right, so I went to work, not expecting any thing to happen with the page for days, well years I figured. hehe I mean I knew Charlotte would certain make a post, or re-post for it. But I never expected the post she made. And I certainly did not expect anyone to donate so damned soon.

… Look, I was going to hand you some bull right now saying I didn’t know what shocked me more, or which meant more, But I do know. It was Cat’s (what I call her from WAY back) post about me that floored me. Do not get me wrong, the 2 donations were also very well received, and also floored me. It’s just, Cat’s kind words and perception of me. I . I really needed that boost to my ego (trust me, that bitch is a shriveled little shell in the corner of my mind. Now she’s more of a raisin than a dust pile. hehe). I know she doesn’t sugar coat, or embellish her thoughts of feelings about people, so to read that opinion of me. To see it in black and white (and colour I suppose – internet and all that)? Just really hit home. Let’s face it. I knew logically that she liked me, maybe even love (hey, I am still working on love being more than just romantic. And getting good at it, I think?), but emotionally, far, far to often I felt isolated, alone, and in a corner with everyone throwing sticks at me. So like I said, to see her words about me.

I needed some time to process.

Still not sure I have. But I do know I will be saving her words, holding them close, and using them as a weapon when depression tries drag me down.

I don’t know how long it will take until all this sinks in. Having a GoFundMe to help drag my sorry ass out of the fire of debt, the fact someone likes me, really likes me (oh Christ I am old. hehe Ask your parents kids), and the fact I have already actually gotten donations.

Who knows if I will ever actually hit my goal, or even be able to feasibly pay any of the bills I need to off, But I will be able to get my baby girl (my cat) her meds, and maybe even a few groceries with the bit I’ve already gotten.

But best of all? The best gift I could have received? Was a woman I admire, and want to be when I grow up, spoke such kind, strong, beautiful words about me, and while I struggle to swallow them as full truth, they are there permanently to remind me.

 

And now, because well, I am at that point in my life where I am apparently not above begging … Here is a link to my GoFundMe page.

 

Please don’t make me beg. But, Please donate, and share the link. Or just share the link if you can’t donate.

 

 

*Yeah, that poor boy – 21 – has been my sounding board, unfairly, far too often. But many times, in my desperation, it feels like my only choice.
Because¬†if I take bad news to the hubby first, it can cause really nasty depressive episodes with panic attacks, as his anxiety sky rockets. He is trying so damned hard to not do that, because he says I NEED to stop shielding him and carrying it alone. He isn’t wrong, but I will ALWAYS, with my dying breath, protect my family first.

Posted in Anxiety, Family, General, Life | Leave a comment

Working poor

The problem with being in debt, is once it starts it is near impossible to get out from under it. And SO, SO much in this world is designed to keep us under.

I would truly love to make this an eloquent post that includes facts, and links, unfortunately, that is not a strength for me. But I shall try.

You see, I am the working poor. I have a decent enough job, with decent benefits, but I have a spouse who can not work, but isn’t legally classed as disabled (mental health problems are still hard to convince governments to accept. And pay for), we have accumulated debt from over the years, including some¬†that are not even in our names! Most of it has been shuffled from one pile to the next for over 20 years, some is newer.

Thing is, about 70% of that debt was for things that we needed. Like food, rent, and utilities. 20% was for frivolous things such as TV’s, Gifts for the kid(s) and family on holidays, and special occasions, along with “non-essential” things like a home phone, or gas for the car, and “treat food”. That last 10% is split in to portions I can’t quite figure the percentages of, so I am grouping them: vehicles (never more than one at a time, only the last one was new), repairs on said vehicles, entertainment, clothes, cigarettes*, and toiletries, and other stuff.

Thing is? On paper (yes, even with smoking) we should have been able to afford almost everything over the years. The problem is? Those calculation don’t factor in bills that are extra-large (an extra cold winter, drafty houses, or even unplanned expenses like emergency travel). It doesn’t account for the late fees, the sick time, or taxes getting messed up or not paid enough from employers. It doesn’t factor in the extra costs of children who get sick and need medications, or health problems.

Yes, on paper we should have a savings account, we should be not wealthy, but ok.

But we aren’t.

Those extras nickel and dime us until the day we die! Health problems crop up, sickness happens, cars break down, and jobs are lost.

Shit happens in life, some in our control, some not. It sucks. And we borrow from Peter to pay Paul. We do these things to try to be “responsible adults”, we do it to eat, we do it so our children can have the best, or what we couldn’t. We try, and many times we fail.

Sometimes you can’t tell the working poor. They are well dressed, their house are full of “stuff”, they buy extras with their groceries, they own expensive pets.

But look closely. Those clothes are borrowed, hand me downs, gifts, or the only thing they’ve bought in over 5 years so they could look good for a job interview, or a special occasion they had no choice in going. That stuff in their house? Again, like the clothes. Hand me downs, gifts, or found on the side of a road. A few things are newer, even broken, they paid for it because they had to (hand me downs and freebies only help so much!).

The extras on their grocery bill? A sick kid who can only eat one thing (or few things), a reward for a child for dealing with 2 weeks of the exact same cheap assed meal, or simply an impulse buy BECAUSE they have had the same meal for over a week. Or hell, sometimes it is depressing, and hard to sacrifice and go without. So some days you spend money you shouldn’t and deal with the late fees.

As for those pets? Perhaps they were gotten when times weren’t so tough? Or maybe they found him abandoned, left to die, so they took it in to take it to a shelter, but feel in love, and didn’t want to have the ONLY shelter (with an euthanasia¬†policy) in town take the animal because of past experiences? Animals, contrary to law, are NOT property, they are family! We mourn them (sometimes more than actual family), we treat them like royalty, we hurt when they hurt. They are our children, companions, our saviours. They ARE family. Once attached, you don’t just give them away willy nilly (or at all).

It is how debt happens.

For example, you could be JUST starting to be in a place for moving forward, “playing catch-up”, no longer sliding deeper down, when BOOM! You get sick, or you find out your car needs shocks, an axle, a domahicky.

Shit happens.

Right now? It feels like things might just catch up and cave in. But I have to look past that and keep picking away at the debt, even if it is only a dollar more than minimum, it will chip it away (in 75 years …)

 

 

*Adding this to debt pile even though we made sure NEVER to use debt for it, the cost of smoking over the years made us use debt for other things. So, ya. It is not THE cause of our troubles, but it is a big factor.

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